Differences.

Black, white.  Up, down.  Left, right, Yes, no. Please, thank you.  Hungry, full.  Single, together.  Rich, poor.  Big, small.  Clean, dirty.  Like, dislike.  Good, bad.  Peace, chaos.

I've been thinking a lot lately.  More so than normal, which if you know me at all that tells you something has caused it.  While my brain has been busy chugging away trying to make sense of recent events, I realized something.  The ability to understand, accept, and embrace differences is a skill.  For some people it comes easy, while for others it can never be attained.  I like to think of myself as an individual that embraces differences.  I can't help but be genuinely interested and ask questions.  It makes me want to learn and grow.  It makes me a better person.  With this said, it came to me that a difference between people is that some people are like me, while others are shut off.  "It's their way or the highway," as some would call it.  Now, learning and experiencing differences does not mean you have to abide by them or live with it...but the fact that you want to explore to see if there is a better way means something.  It means a lot.  You can keep your mind set in your way, or explore the mind of others.  To me, the idea of exploring someone's mind is fun, enjoyable, and interesting.

I just find it really interesting how individual's become so closed off to thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that differ from their own.  I've found an interesting correlation.  I don't know if it's correct, but it seems to hold true...People who would be described as "closed minded" or "intolerant of differences" also lack major logic and reasoning skills.  And when you think about it, it makes sense.  If an individual continuously disregards differences and refuses to open themselves up, they do not learn.  If you do not learn, how can one expect to be logical?  They can't.  A broad mind is a logical mind.  When we encompass all the differences that are in our immediate environment, we have two choices: Reject and ignore them, or embrace and explore them.  I, personally, choose the latter.

Be curious.  Be genuine.  Be excited.

Embrace each other.

Here We Go!

So, as many of you have heard, Adam and I broke up.  This was/is really difficult for me.  When I get into a relationship that I see potential in I invest most of myself in it.  It isn't a question for me, I just naturally do it.  I have a huge heart, and I open it very easily to others.  I feel a range of emotions, mostly sad ones...but I'm getting better.  I've met a lot of cool, genuine people already and I am starting to go on casual dates again.  I know it's fast, but I don't want to dwell on my feelings.  Instead of focusing on negative emotions, I need to create positive ones and focus on those instead.  It's a work in progress. 

So, other than that, I've been well.  Besides the hiccup with Adam, my depression and anxiety seem to residing.  I am focusing on what brings me joy and finding at least three things every day that are positive and unique.  My doctor retired this week, which is really crappy.  She has been with me since the start of my depression symptoms (before it was diagnosed), and now I'm going to have to start over with someone else that doesn't know me.  Ugh. Frustrating.  It'll be okay though.  I'm hoping to be off anti-depressants by September.

So potentially bad news with Buck.  Yesterday I was giving my lesson with him and I asked him to canter in a circle.  His back legs kept giving out and he'd nearly fall.  This wasn't a one or two time event, it happened every time he cantered.  It was apparent he was very weak on his hind end.  Afterwards, I noticed his breathing.  He was completely out of breath and was almost heaving for air, even though I requested very little physical activity from him.  There was no reason for his high respiratory rate.  It took him 20 minutes to start breathing normally again.  He will be going to the vet either today or sometime next week.  Depends on when we can get him in.  We are going to get a full blood work up done on him (we've been wanting to for a while), and see if we can determine the weakness in his back legs.  Poor Bucket.  I hope he's okay...I don't know what I'd do if I lost him right now.  I need him.

I turn 21 in less than a month.  Adam and I made plans, but something tells me that's not going to happen anymore, aha.  I'd like to hang out with my friend Mark; however, he's going to be out of state for the summer.  But now that I have no one in particular I want to spend my birthday with, I think I may just go to a bar, get hit on, and get free drinks.  Sounds depressing, I know, but it'll be okay.  It will probably be more fun than it sounds.  Who knows, I may just decide to do nothing!  And that's okay too.

I'm going to start getting back into Buddhism more purposefully.  I meditated the other day for the first time in a long time.  It made me feel good.  I don't listen to myself a lot, but when I decide to I think I give myself some pretty good advice.  If nothing is wrong with Buck physically, then I will start my mounted yoga immediately.  I'm pretty excited about it.

So I think that's it.  Hope you enjoyed some of my photographs.  I'm going to be starting up that again as well.  If anyone wants pictures with their horses or anything, let me know!  I'm cheap and easy ;) Ahah...Anyway, till next time!

Keep your head up.

Keep your mind set.

Keep your heart strong.

Sometimes Life Comes Full Circle

Zema in Summer 2012

When I moved to Cedar City I had to give up my horse, Zema.  He was the last connection I had with Foxy and the house I grew up in.  Needless to say, I didn't want to lose him.  I tried to keep Zema with me and find a place I could afford in Cedar City, but it was going to be too expensive.  Zema was given to a lady who used him for trail riding.  From the e-mails I received the lady was not experiencing the Zema I rode and played with for years.  He sounded like a monster.  The horse that was described to me was anxious and mean.  Zema was eventually given back to his original owner, the lady who gave Zema to me.  She contacted me asking if I wanted Zema back, but my mom had just given me Buck and said I couldn't take Zema back.  I understood.  Several months later his original owner contacted me deeply concerned about his health.  Zema wasn't losing his winter coat in the 75 degree weather in California and he was very skinny.  He was distant and had no excitement like he used to.  It was so sad to hear.  Again she asked if I could take Zema, but we had moved to less than an acre and would be unable to support three horses on such little pasture.

Zema in Summer 2011

I suggested she give Zema to Jennie and Larry Housely, the wonderful people at Horseman Haven Ranch in Pie Town, New Mexico.  She believed it was a good idea and Zema was sent their way.  Two months later, Zema is now at Craig and Connie's house while Jennie and Larry are visiting.  He has lost most of his winter coat and has gained a lot of weight.  His shoes have been taken off and his hooves are beginning to look more natural.  When I saw him I almost didn't recognize him.  He was so round and had beautiful muscle when he was in my care.  I wanted to cry.  Not only because of his physical condition, but because of how important he was to me.  Zema was always there and seemed to understand how I was feeling.  I can't remember a single time when I left Zema feeling unhappy.  He was the best.  
 

Zema in Spring 2014

After two years, Zema is back in Hooper.  I never thought I would see him again, let alone get to brush him and talk to him.  He seemed to remember me when I saw him yesterday.  That made me feel good.  I want him back so badly...it just isn't a possibility though.  I can only hope whoever gets him after he is rehabbed will treat him with the kindness I did.  He deserves it.

On a brighter note, I got another duck! Its name is Ahmi (means "friend" in French).  I say "its" because I won't know if Ahmi is a male or female until he is about eight to ten weeks old.  Today he is officially one week old!  Ahmi is a Roun (pronounced "roan") duck.  They originated in France and look identical to Mallards.  They cannot fly though, as their body is too heavy for their wings to carry.  Right now Ahmi is living in the house.  It's still too cold outside and he is too small to be out on his own.  He is enjoying the nice comfy blankets on the couch and nightly snuggles and midday naps with me I think.  Ahmi is pretty fearless.  He expects the world to be safe and for others to look after him.  It amazes me how trusting and happy such a small, baby animal can be.  He has never seen danger or fear, so he does not know what it is.

Buck snorted out his nose and blew Ahmi off the block, hahaha

Buck and I have been playing recently.  Here is a list of what we can do now:
-Buck can back up when I'm standing on either side of him (doesn't matter where), in front, and behind.  Yesterday I even walked around Buck in circles while I asked him to back.  It was fun!
-Buck side passes away from me and towards me on both sides
-Rotates and plants his hooves on the front and back 
-I can get Buck to move each leg independently
-I can direct Buck to touch his nose on any point of focus despite the distance
-Move sideways to the fence in order to mount easily
-Bridleless riding (of course!)

Buck is getting bored with what I'm asking of him.  He learns things so quickly it's almost frustrating.  I need a lot more ideas!  If you think of anything, let me know and I'll do it!

Other than that, spring semester is nearly over.  I have two more papers to write, one presentation, and three finals.  I enjoyed this semester.  I made two friends (Mark and Jenessa) and I haven't gotten below a 95% in any class.  I may finally get that 4.0 I've been so close to getting for the past two semesters.

After school today I'm going over to Craig's to groom Zema and chat with Jennie.  I'm looking forward to it.  I want to spend as much time with him as I can.

Long Time No Blog

Uuuugh.  I know I haven't blogged in forever...I guess it is because life is finally calming down and I don't feel the need to complain through my blog anymore, aha.  I've had some thoughts on blogs I'd like to write. To name a few I've wanted to rant off about the evolutionary hypothesis, strange things my cats do, Buddhism and mindfulness, marriage and families, other random things...but what it really comes down to is that I am so busy writing research papers I don't want to spend my time writing a blog.  Sad, I know.  When summer comes along there won't be anything significant happening besides with Buck so the blogs will be few and far between as well.  We will see (I think that's my favorite saying, haha).

SPRING BREAK! WOOOO! Adam and I went to sunny San Diego, CA for nine days.  It was much needed.  We didn't really do anything the entire time, and that was perfectly fine with us.  In fact, that's why we went there!  We wasted our days away walking and lying on the beach, looking at tide pools, and napping.  We also got incredibly sun burnt.  So burnt actually I am still peeling from it.  I was reminded how fair of skin I have when I turned beet red and people kept commenting on how painful it looked (it felt worse than it looked...).  Next time I'll be putting on some sunscreen.

We saw lots of adorable baby seals!

The tide pools were super fun and interesting.

A duck trying to be a flamingo.

We did go to the San Diego Zoo on one of the days.  I saw lots of ducks (my favorite part) and Okapis! They are so beautiful.  I wish they would have had a male Kudu on display, but their exhibit was under renovations.  One of my favorite parts was walking into the humming bird aviary.  The birds in there were brilliant in color and we were able to get pretty close to them.  All in all we had a great time walking around.  I think I did a pretty good job at keeping my mouth shut and not spouting out animal facts every 15 seconds ;)

We also got a full body massage, detox, and sauna.  I have never been touched on the butt so much in such a short amount of time.  I can't imagine how Adam felt, haha.  It was a bit weird, but man, it was sooo nice...

Buck and I have been working on a few new things as the weather has been getting nicer.  He is beginning to side pass towards me, he loves backing up to me when I am standing behind him, and we are getting better at bridleless.  In the picture shown to the left Buck is standing with all fours on a solid block of wood.  It took him a couple tries to get up there, but he did it!  He spent 20 minutes standing on it passed out before I asked him to get down.


Health. I hate talking about this but I know several people like to stay informed.  My doctors switched me from Lexapro to Zoloft because Lexapro had not been enough to keep the depression and anxiety away.  I've been on Zoloft for about three weeks and so far it seems to be working very well.  I've only felt depressed for half a day since I started it, and anxious just one or two times.  Unfortunately my sleep has been getting worse it seems.  I can't seem to stop having nightmarish and vivid dreams.  I get night sweats more nights than not because of them, too.  My sleep is not restful sleep at all.  As a result, it was decided by myself, my doctor, and my therapist to get me on a sleeping medication.  It's actually not a sleeping prescription, but a blood pressure medication.  It turns out this medication is used more to reduce sleep disturbances than to correct high blood pressure.  I hope it works...I am so tired of being tired.


Foxy died two years ago this Saturday.  I am trying not to think about it.  I feel a lot of panic when I start to think about what I am going to do and what happened, so I am doing my best to stay busy and keep my mind on other things.  Writing this isn't helping.  I did make a shadow box of her show halter, blue ribbons, and braided hair and hung it up in my room.  It looks really nice, especially with her name placed above it.



Random things to mention:

• I am not going to Pie Town, NM this year.  I don't want my parents to spend that much money on me.  I can make great strides and accomplishments with Buck here at home anyway!  I missed the EAGALA sign up for St. George, so I'm probably going to have to go to Prescott, AZ.  Talk about inconvenient!  The part II training is during Pie Town also, so I wouldn't be able to go even if I wanted to.
• I turned down the job at Petco. 
• I haven't gotten below a 90% on any exam this semester, and I have gotten A's on all my research papers.  A professor of mine even asked if she could have two of the papers I wrote as examples for future semesters.  It made me feel pretty awesome!
• I am running for department chair for the Family and Child Studies department.  If I don't get the position, I hope to be the department co-chair.  It would look fantastic on my resume, get me involved with the program more, and possibly lead to a job after graduation.
• The blood pressure medication my doctor wanted me to try for the pain in my legs did not work.  We have abandoned trying to figure it out until I am off my antidepressants. 
• I turn 21 in 47 days.  All I want to do for my birthday is go to the Humane Society of Utah and play with all the kitties :) 
• By the way, this is what an Okapi looks like.  They are basically a cross between a zebra, a giraffe (you should see their long, purple tongue!), and a deer.

And Then There Was Peace

Here is a short story that happened toady while I was with Buck.  I thought it deserved its own posting.  I hope others are able to recognize moments like this and reflect on the feeling of peace they bring.

As Buck and I were on our way home, I decided to dismount and walk next to him. I wanted to enjoy his presence at eye level.  I began to jog, and he jogged next to me.  Then I sprinted forward...He could have stopped and ate grass.  He could have trotted away from me.  He could have stayed at a walk and let me jog ahead.  But he didn't do any of those things.  To my surprise Buck started cantering next to me.  His ears pricked forward and his head was held up high.  It was such an uplifting feeling.  Having such a large animal choosing to be that close to you is quite incredible.  He didn't have a halter on.  Nothing attached him to me besides our bond.  As we slowed back down to a walk I gave him a hug and smiled from ear to ear.  He snorted out a few times.  He was smiling too.  We walked along the wooden fence that bordered an empty field.  His head low, meandering next to me silently.  My hand lay across his withers and I matched my steps with his. 
I looked into the sky to witness a beautiful sunset.  The clouds were silver lined and the sun was a pale yellow.  The light reflected a shadow of Buck and I walking in stride.  Geese flew overhead, flying silently as they passed.  In this moment, the world was perfect.  The only sounds I heard emanated from the nature that surrounded me.  Colors were brighter, and smells were stronger.  I took each step with a silent purpose.  I was stepping towards eternal happiness.  The kind of happiness that doesn't come from medication and therapy.  This moment was a good reminder of the power I carry within myself to heal and accept the things I cannot change.  I was able to share this moment with my best friend.  A 1,200 pound, four legged animal that only sees the best in me.  Buck doesn't understand the words I shared with him, but he could feel the worry and sadness melt from my mind.  He breathed deeply, occasionally looking at me with his big, concerned eyes.  In this moment, I was whole.  I was happy.  I was me.

It's been a while since I was reminded of who I really am.  It's so easy to get caught up in the mass of technology, our relationships, and enduring obligations.  How do we look past the things our culture feeds off of?  I have to take the time to remove myself from the world, and momentarily create (or actually recognize) the world I have made for myself, internally.  We don't often listen to ourselves. I'm talking about really listening to ourselves.  Our heads are too cluttered for us to hear.  If we wish to reach this level of peace, truth, and wholeness, we need to silent that noise.  Let yourself think and hear....It's incredible what we have to tell ourselves...

Snails!!!

I'm just going to start out by saying this...I'm going to San Diego, CA in ten days with an extremely good looking fellow that makes me smile endlessly.  The first two nights we are spending at a hotel that's built on the beach.  Besides being beach bums, we are also going to go to the San Diego Zoo!  Needless to say I'm really excited.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to come home with a lot of sand in my everything.  Be jealous.

Now with that being said I can move onto other things.  Not a lot has happened recently.  I've just been pluggin' away in school for the most part.  I'm becoming really interested in evolutionary psychology.  I don't know where this interest will take me, but even if I just use it to expand to my personal and professional knowledge that will be enough for me.  I posted on Facebook that I was going to write a blog on the evolutionary hypothesis, focusing on research by David Buss.  I'm still planning on it, I'm just reading up on it more so I can write a more well-educated blog.  His findings on mate selection and intrasexual competition are absolutely fascinating!  Of course it just gives me another outlet to dissect mine and other people's relationships, but that's okay with me because I love being able to apply psychological concepts to my own life.  Other people may not like it so much, as I am finding, so I think I'm just going to write about it and change names and/or keep it to myself, haha.
I wrote a research paper on divorce and child development.  It was a pretty cool topic to do research on.  I am now a firm believer that divorce is only justifiable in cases of extremely dysfunctional homes.  A lot of the implications concerning child development and divorce I had not even thought about, like the psychosocial well-being of children, or the adaptability concerns of relocation.  Very interesting stuff!  It's weird to say, but I thoroughly enjoy reading peer-reviewed research articles and summarizing findings. It's actually a career in the family studies field so if I enjoy it enough I could choose to be employed as that :)

The temperatures are finally starting to warm up a little so I've been able to be outside quite a bit.  I'm dying to be outside.  I can't stand the cold anymore.  I need my dirt and sun!  After my riding lesson today, Buck and I went out bridleless.  We walked, we trotted, we cantered...and we galloped!  Yes, that's right, Buck actually galloped!  This has been the first time I've actually ridden him since last November, so it was a pretty big deal for both of us.  I was pleasantly surprised that he was extremely responsive to my requests.  Granted, he did nearly run us into a fence twice because he wanted to run home, but I didn't fall off so that says something, right?  I am really looking forward to what him and I will accomplish this summer.  I'm planning on taking him to the Golden Spike and doing a lot of bridleless riding in their cross country course to improve our skill.  It will be a safer, more challenging environment than riding out in open fields.  
Unfortunately, Buck has been having some major problems with his left front leg.  We are going to take him in to get x-rays done this week.  We aren't sure if it's coming from his knee or his shoulder, but it's definitely causing him discomfort.  I'm hoping for the best.

I won't talk much about this because nothing is set in stone yet, but I am excited nonetheless.  I have a meeting with a client next Wednesday who has a five year old and a six year old.  She wants to get them into lessons and thinks I will be the best fit.  I also met two ladies on today's ride.  They and their kids (four and four years old) were watching me ride in the neighboring field.  I'm dropping by my lesson information tomorrow.  One of the ladies is also interested in taking lessons.  We will see what comes of this! It'd be pretty sweet to have five younger kids in lessons, seeming how I have a bunch of stuff made up for that age group already.

After trying to get hired at Petco since I was 16, the moment has finally came.  I got a call from the store manager this evening inviting me to come in on Friday.  This is great news...but I kind of think it isn't matching up with my life anymore.  When I go in I am going to see if we can get a schedule figured out that doesn't interfere with my riding lessons and school.  I know I'd be one of their most highly qualified employees, but I may actually be over qualified at this point.  If the wage doesn't match my experience, personal and professional, it's going to be a difficult decision to make.  It's like, I finally have the opportunity to do something I've been wanting to do for years, but now that it's within reach, I am reconsidering for various reasons.

For Valentine's Day Adam got me a pillow! He customized it with pictures of Bucket and Puppy.  It's the perfect size and I use it a ton...but I am paranoid it's going to get ruined cause I use it so much :(  He also got me a customized calendar of pictures I have taken.  Mostly it's of Buck, Puppy, and South Africa.  They are such great gifts.  I nearly cried over the pillow x.x

Tyrone being chill.

Gary about to fall off a plant.

So, these are my snails.  I love them.  Their names are Gary, Sheila, and Tyrone. 

Tyrone is really secluded and keeps to himself, but recently he has been hanging out with Gary a lot and moving around the tank.  I think it's because I increased the temperature to 80 degrees.  Sheila is quiet.  She hangs around Gary a lot (maybe she doesn't like black snails?).  
Gary, though, he is my favorite.  He's alllll over my tank!  He even comes up to the top of the tank to be fed when I feed the fish.  Feeding such a small creature is relaxing for me.  His little mouth opens and closes as I put food into it. He crawls halfway out of the water so he can get more food without being disturbed by the fish.  Ahh...Gary...The love I have for snails is something I think I can only understand.

New Things and Such

Every time I begin to write a blog I feel like I need to write up a detailed outline.  If I don't I usually forget important details and end up revising my posts three or four times after I publish it.  But, seemings how I just wrote an outline for a presentation for my adult development class, I don't really want to make an outline this time around.

EAGALA was a week ago.  I know I'm going to miss a lot of the things that happened, but I'll try to recall the three days as well as I can.
Day 1: I freaked out.  Yup.  Totally freaked out.  After the day was done I got in my car and wanted to rip my hair out and cry.  Sure, it was a panic attack, but that's besides the point.  I got to the clinic early, expecting to start up some conversation with other equine specialists and mental health prospects. Needless to say no one talked to me the ENTIRE day.  I tried talking to people, but everyone would respond with empty sentences or disinterest.  I was really disappointed.  Because I was feeling uninvolved I decided to volunteer to work at liberty with one of the eight horses available at the clinic along with two other people.  The horse I chose was pretty confident in himself and had a hard time standing still.  Since I was doing this with only my hands and a completely strange horse, I was hesitant.  At one point I ended up making physical contact with my knee when the horse tried walking over the top of me.  The group of 60 observers had a definite reaction to that.  Some laughed, some gasped.  The clinic instructors asked me afterwords if I'd mind working with the horses again after the lunch break.  I agreed.  
After lunch (which I spent alone -.- ) I got back out with the horses.  Instead of working with just one horse I decided to work with five of the six, each for about five minutes.  The original horse I chose when I first volunteered showed signs of jealousy so I used that to my advantage.  By the end of the 20 minutes the original horse I worked with was following me around and holding still.  We were as good of friends as two strangers could be.  After I was done with the horses I spent the next 30 minutes being berated by people's "objective" observations.  Now, "objective" is in quotations because people were not being objective whatsoever.  They were interjecting their personal opinions about what they were observing, which is NOT what they were supposed to be doing.  They were supposed to be asking unbiased, objective questions about my experience.  I had to defend myself; something which I shouldn't have had to do.  Anyway, between the combination of people being antisocial and being attacked for my horsemanship, I kind of had a freak out after I had some private time.  I wanted to go home.

 Day 2: The second day of EAGALA was sooo much better.  Again, I got there early, only this time I didn't expect anyone to talk to me.  I was wrong.  People began talking to me immediately and I wasn't left alone for the remainder of the day.  People were saying how neat it was to watch what I was doing with the horses, and asking about why I was doing what I was doing.  They were also giving me compliments on my performance from the day before.  I was shocked.  I realized that a lot of the people there had never heard of or seen natural horsemanship before.  They didn't know what to think about it.  I had many people tell me they spent the night thinking about me and what I was doing.  I didn't quite know what to think about that, but then I understood that they needed time to process what they saw.  I felt a million times better.  I ate lunch with three different groups of people and exchanged contact information with countless others.  I was getting better at my own objectivity (something that's very difficult because we, as humans, are so used to automatically judging).  I was realizing I was at this training for more personal reasons that professional reasons.  I was okay with that, even though it kind of cost a lot of money.

Day 3: The third day was just as good as the second.  More people came up to me and complimented me and asked me questions.  I was humble in my answers and tried not to say more than I knew.  I made two really unique connections on the second and third day.  A group of Indians from Canada were at the clinic.  They actually ended up inviting me to their village to spend time with their tribe and learn about the spirituality of the horse.  They even offered to pay for me to go!  I am looking forward to possibly taking up this opportunity in the summer.  The second connection made was a guy out of Texas.  He owns and operates a 700 acre ranch that is used as a rehabilitation and prevention place for boys ages 11-17 who are offenders.  He also invited me down to visit for a week or two, all expenses paid.  I will being going during the summer no doubt.  He is expanding his business and will need at least one more equine specialist in the next two years.  I could be one of them he told me.  Sooooo, I'm pretty much stoked.  :)

Those are all the main things that happened.  I could mention the little (well, kind of big) stuff like how some of the horses felt so comfortable they would lay down in the middle of our group circle, or fall asleep in between the rows of filled chairs, but if I included those things this blog would turn into a never ending story of horse behavior!  I am looking forward to finishing up my certification in April.

So now that that's out of the way I can get into the other parts of my life.  Adammmm.  Mmmm ;)  Hah...yeah, he's fantastic.  I was experiencing a lot of anxiety concerning his and my relationship, but I figured out why.  I feel emotionally safe.  I don't have to constantly worry about what he's doing, or what he's going to do.  What a feeling!  I feel like he isn't going to hurt me in any way, on purpose or on accident.  It is a strange sensation feeling so safe, and that's whats caused me anxiety.  It is very interesting to examine on a psychological level.  He takes care of me emotionally, and I am so thankful.  It's a nice change from what I'm used to.  He makes me so happy!  I so so so so wish we could see each other more often, but as of now that isn't possible.

I went back to the doctor for a check-up.  I've been experiencing a lot more anxiety and panic-like symptoms than before, but my depression has resided once more.  I've also been having nightmares on a nightly basis that are inhibiting productive sleep.  My doctor gave me some sedatives to take when I feel like my brain is going to race out of my skull (uncontrollable racing thoughts basically), but as far as the dreams go she thinks it's anxiety related.  I also told her about my leg issues and how I've been tested for numerous nerve problems.  She thinks it's coming from a circulation complication than nerves.  She gave me a blood pressure medication that specifically opens up the blood vessels to the legs.  It will either work or it won't, but it's worth a shot. The sucky part is that it makes me incredibly light headed.  If it increases the sensitivity to my legs, however, it's worth it.

Oh, and I've gotten A's on my exams so far this semester.  It's such an improvement compared to the 76% average I was getting last semester.  I feel pretty good about it :)  Now to only get an A on my exam that I have tomorrow! Wish me luck!

My favorite view driving to and from St. George, UT

PS) I may or may not have gotten my belly button peirced...