Here We Go!

So, as many of you have heard, Adam and I broke up.  This was/is really difficult for me.  When I get into a relationship that I see potential in I invest most of myself in it.  It isn't a question for me, I just naturally do it.  I have a huge heart, and I open it very easily to others.  I feel a range of emotions, mostly sad ones...but I'm getting better.  I've met a lot of cool, genuine people already and I am starting to go on casual dates again.  I know it's fast, but I don't want to dwell on my feelings.  Instead of focusing on negative emotions, I need to create positive ones and focus on those instead.  It's a work in progress. 

So, other than that, I've been well.  Besides the hiccup with Adam, my depression and anxiety seem to residing.  I am focusing on what brings me joy and finding at least three things every day that are positive and unique.  My doctor retired this week, which is really crappy.  She has been with me since the start of my depression symptoms (before it was diagnosed), and now I'm going to have to start over with someone else that doesn't know me.  Ugh. Frustrating.  It'll be okay though.  I'm hoping to be off anti-depressants by September.

So potentially bad news with Buck.  Yesterday I was giving my lesson with him and I asked him to canter in a circle.  His back legs kept giving out and he'd nearly fall.  This wasn't a one or two time event, it happened every time he cantered.  It was apparent he was very weak on his hind end.  Afterwards, I noticed his breathing.  He was completely out of breath and was almost heaving for air, even though I requested very little physical activity from him.  There was no reason for his high respiratory rate.  It took him 20 minutes to start breathing normally again.  He will be going to the vet either today or sometime next week.  Depends on when we can get him in.  We are going to get a full blood work up done on him (we've been wanting to for a while), and see if we can determine the weakness in his back legs.  Poor Bucket.  I hope he's okay...I don't know what I'd do if I lost him right now.  I need him.

I turn 21 in less than a month.  Adam and I made plans, but something tells me that's not going to happen anymore, aha.  I'd like to hang out with my friend Mark; however, he's going to be out of state for the summer.  But now that I have no one in particular I want to spend my birthday with, I think I may just go to a bar, get hit on, and get free drinks.  Sounds depressing, I know, but it'll be okay.  It will probably be more fun than it sounds.  Who knows, I may just decide to do nothing!  And that's okay too.

I'm going to start getting back into Buddhism more purposefully.  I meditated the other day for the first time in a long time.  It made me feel good.  I don't listen to myself a lot, but when I decide to I think I give myself some pretty good advice.  If nothing is wrong with Buck physically, then I will start my mounted yoga immediately.  I'm pretty excited about it.

So I think that's it.  Hope you enjoyed some of my photographs.  I'm going to be starting up that again as well.  If anyone wants pictures with their horses or anything, let me know!  I'm cheap and easy ;) Ahah...Anyway, till next time!

Keep your head up.

Keep your mind set.

Keep your heart strong.