Grapefruit.

I've been wanting to write another blog since my last post.  I felt like I ended it on a rather negative note...but this post probably won't be must better.  

Life is stressful.  Simple enough.

I found out that my four year degree is actually going to be more like a five and half year degree.  The education program is stupid.  I have to take three prerequisite courses before I can even begin taking the block classes (There are four block classes.  It takes two years to complete those).  If I would have known I wanted to be an elementary teacher from my first semester in college I would have been on track, but now I have to spend year and a half just waiting to even be admitted into the program because of three courses.  I'm kind of frustrated.  I am currently looking at doing my education degree through Western Governor's University.  It's an all online school, which would be amazing.  No traveling, I could move wherever I wanted, and it's self paced.  After looking at what credits would transfer, however, only about 30 of my 96 credits would mean anything (and that's being optimistic).  It would probably end up taking just as long as if I went to Weber State.  The cost would be about the same, too.  So I'm not sure.  I think staying at Weber would be a bigger inconvenience, but it would be easier.  

Decisions to be made!

My dad makes me sad.  I really want to be closer to him and get to know him more, but it's really difficult.  He seems to completely ignore my mom and I, while a lot of his attention is on Alice (the Chinese girl who lived with us over the summer).  For the first time since May he asked about what Buck and I have been doing.  I thought it was crazy and weird he was interested in it, but it was really nice.  He hasn't even wanted to watch the video I made or see us ride when I ask.  I feel bad for my mom, too.  He seems really distant and resistant to her.  He is just so caught up in himself it's like he's forgotten about his family.  I don't know what to do.  I kind of started not caring as much in March when he very deliberately took down the fence I put around Foxy's grave because, "I need to get over it and it looks bad."  Talk about heartless.  But now his attitude is affecting my mom more visibly and I hate it.  I know that if I tried bringing how I feel up it would only cause stress and probably more issues.  I'm hoping it's just going to work itself out in the best way possible, but it's up to my dad.  

I've decided to stop taking my melatonin supplement.  I started it about two weeks ago, and for the first three nights it really helped, but now it does nothing (again).  The last two nights I upped the dosage to 10 mg.  The first night was so good, but last night wasn't much better than when I was on 5 mg.  I think it's wrong though to have to take that much.  If I have to continually up my dosage, it isn't fixing the problem, it's just masking it.  I want to fix my sleeping issues, not just cover them up.  I'm going to try a natural herd supplement called valerian.  Valerian comes from a flower and it is supposed to aid in getting a restful night's sleep, reducing anxiety, and reducing headaches.  Sound perfect, right?!  Unfortunately there haven't been any significant studies done on Valerian.  Some evidence suggests it does help, while other evidence says it doesn't do anything.  It is supposed to take 6-8 weeks to begin working, too.  I might as well give it a shot.  If I don't try it and this thing is what works for me, I'd be missing out on some wonderful z's.  I'm also going to start taking baths before bed.  I used to do it in Cedar City and I think it helped.  I might as well try to do everything I can before I go to the doctor about it. 

It's interesting to reflect back on these recent days.  I've been on edge with a lot of people because they choose to be lazy and unproductive when there are obviously things they should be doing instead.  Or people who choose to be in a situation that causes them to feel terrible or something.  Truth of the matter is though, no matter how much what I say makes sense and they agree with me, no one will change their behavior and situation unless they want to.  I just hate seeing people put themselves through bad situations, when they could be so much happier if they just said, "Hey, I don't think this is working out." or, "I think I'll find a different job, and go to college like I've been wanting to."  It made me realize I need to do everything I can for myself to get through the emotions I am feeling.  I try to only complain on my blog, and never to my friends over text or in person.  I know it will pass, but on the other hand I think other people need to know that I'm not necessarily mad at them, I'm just upset about what I'm dealing with right now and I wish they would do something better for themselves.  I don't know if that's wishful thinking, but I need to let people make their own mistakes...even if I've seen it happen time and time again.

On a positive note, Buck and I continue to make a lot of progress.  I've now taught him to rotate on the front while I'm on him.  Rotating the back while I'm on him is pretty difficult though, so I think him and I are going to need to take a step back and work on it from the ground again.  I've been fortunate enough to have quite a bit of one-on-one with with Jennie.  It has helped a lot!  We will be participating in this weekend's and next weekend's group clinics over at Craig's with Jennie and Larry.  I'm excited to see everyone and see the progress they have made with their horses.

Here is the video I made from our progress starting in June till now.

Evan and I are doing well!  On Saturday we went to IKEA and bought him a bunch of new stuff for his room, and on Sunday we put it together.  It looks great, and it was fun to do together.  He is a really good guy.  I've wanted to get into wood whittling (old and nerdy, I know, but it's relaxing), so he actually bought me some knives to do it with.  I'm gonna get started on a piece today :)