Differences.

Black, white.  Up, down.  Left, right, Yes, no. Please, thank you.  Hungry, full.  Single, together.  Rich, poor.  Big, small.  Clean, dirty.  Like, dislike.  Good, bad.  Peace, chaos.

I've been thinking a lot lately.  More so than normal, which if you know me at all that tells you something has caused it.  While my brain has been busy chugging away trying to make sense of recent events, I realized something.  The ability to understand, accept, and embrace differences is a skill.  For some people it comes easy, while for others it can never be attained.  I like to think of myself as an individual that embraces differences.  I can't help but be genuinely interested and ask questions.  It makes me want to learn and grow.  It makes me a better person.  With this said, it came to me that a difference between people is that some people are like me, while others are shut off.  "It's their way or the highway," as some would call it.  Now, learning and experiencing differences does not mean you have to abide by them or live with it...but the fact that you want to explore to see if there is a better way means something.  It means a lot.  You can keep your mind set in your way, or explore the mind of others.  To me, the idea of exploring someone's mind is fun, enjoyable, and interesting.

I just find it really interesting how individual's become so closed off to thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that differ from their own.  I've found an interesting correlation.  I don't know if it's correct, but it seems to hold true...People who would be described as "closed minded" or "intolerant of differences" also lack major logic and reasoning skills.  And when you think about it, it makes sense.  If an individual continuously disregards differences and refuses to open themselves up, they do not learn.  If you do not learn, how can one expect to be logical?  They can't.  A broad mind is a logical mind.  When we encompass all the differences that are in our immediate environment, we have two choices: Reject and ignore them, or embrace and explore them.  I, personally, choose the latter.

Be curious.  Be genuine.  Be excited.

Embrace each other.

Here We Go!

So, as many of you have heard, Adam and I broke up.  This was/is really difficult for me.  When I get into a relationship that I see potential in I invest most of myself in it.  It isn't a question for me, I just naturally do it.  I have a huge heart, and I open it very easily to others.  I feel a range of emotions, mostly sad ones...but I'm getting better.  I've met a lot of cool, genuine people already and I am starting to go on casual dates again.  I know it's fast, but I don't want to dwell on my feelings.  Instead of focusing on negative emotions, I need to create positive ones and focus on those instead.  It's a work in progress. 

So, other than that, I've been well.  Besides the hiccup with Adam, my depression and anxiety seem to residing.  I am focusing on what brings me joy and finding at least three things every day that are positive and unique.  My doctor retired this week, which is really crappy.  She has been with me since the start of my depression symptoms (before it was diagnosed), and now I'm going to have to start over with someone else that doesn't know me.  Ugh. Frustrating.  It'll be okay though.  I'm hoping to be off anti-depressants by September.

So potentially bad news with Buck.  Yesterday I was giving my lesson with him and I asked him to canter in a circle.  His back legs kept giving out and he'd nearly fall.  This wasn't a one or two time event, it happened every time he cantered.  It was apparent he was very weak on his hind end.  Afterwards, I noticed his breathing.  He was completely out of breath and was almost heaving for air, even though I requested very little physical activity from him.  There was no reason for his high respiratory rate.  It took him 20 minutes to start breathing normally again.  He will be going to the vet either today or sometime next week.  Depends on when we can get him in.  We are going to get a full blood work up done on him (we've been wanting to for a while), and see if we can determine the weakness in his back legs.  Poor Bucket.  I hope he's okay...I don't know what I'd do if I lost him right now.  I need him.

I turn 21 in less than a month.  Adam and I made plans, but something tells me that's not going to happen anymore, aha.  I'd like to hang out with my friend Mark; however, he's going to be out of state for the summer.  But now that I have no one in particular I want to spend my birthday with, I think I may just go to a bar, get hit on, and get free drinks.  Sounds depressing, I know, but it'll be okay.  It will probably be more fun than it sounds.  Who knows, I may just decide to do nothing!  And that's okay too.

I'm going to start getting back into Buddhism more purposefully.  I meditated the other day for the first time in a long time.  It made me feel good.  I don't listen to myself a lot, but when I decide to I think I give myself some pretty good advice.  If nothing is wrong with Buck physically, then I will start my mounted yoga immediately.  I'm pretty excited about it.

So I think that's it.  Hope you enjoyed some of my photographs.  I'm going to be starting up that again as well.  If anyone wants pictures with their horses or anything, let me know!  I'm cheap and easy ;) Ahah...Anyway, till next time!

Keep your head up.

Keep your mind set.

Keep your heart strong.

Sometimes Life Comes Full Circle

Zema in Summer 2012

When I moved to Cedar City I had to give up my horse, Zema.  He was the last connection I had with Foxy and the house I grew up in.  Needless to say, I didn't want to lose him.  I tried to keep Zema with me and find a place I could afford in Cedar City, but it was going to be too expensive.  Zema was given to a lady who used him for trail riding.  From the e-mails I received the lady was not experiencing the Zema I rode and played with for years.  He sounded like a monster.  The horse that was described to me was anxious and mean.  Zema was eventually given back to his original owner, the lady who gave Zema to me.  She contacted me asking if I wanted Zema back, but my mom had just given me Buck and said I couldn't take Zema back.  I understood.  Several months later his original owner contacted me deeply concerned about his health.  Zema wasn't losing his winter coat in the 75 degree weather in California and he was very skinny.  He was distant and had no excitement like he used to.  It was so sad to hear.  Again she asked if I could take Zema, but we had moved to less than an acre and would be unable to support three horses on such little pasture.

Zema in Summer 2011

I suggested she give Zema to Jennie and Larry Housely, the wonderful people at Horseman Haven Ranch in Pie Town, New Mexico.  She believed it was a good idea and Zema was sent their way.  Two months later, Zema is now at Craig and Connie's house while Jennie and Larry are visiting.  He has lost most of his winter coat and has gained a lot of weight.  His shoes have been taken off and his hooves are beginning to look more natural.  When I saw him I almost didn't recognize him.  He was so round and had beautiful muscle when he was in my care.  I wanted to cry.  Not only because of his physical condition, but because of how important he was to me.  Zema was always there and seemed to understand how I was feeling.  I can't remember a single time when I left Zema feeling unhappy.  He was the best.  
 

Zema in Spring 2014

After two years, Zema is back in Hooper.  I never thought I would see him again, let alone get to brush him and talk to him.  He seemed to remember me when I saw him yesterday.  That made me feel good.  I want him back so badly...it just isn't a possibility though.  I can only hope whoever gets him after he is rehabbed will treat him with the kindness I did.  He deserves it.

On a brighter note, I got another duck! Its name is Ahmi (means "friend" in French).  I say "its" because I won't know if Ahmi is a male or female until he is about eight to ten weeks old.  Today he is officially one week old!  Ahmi is a Roun (pronounced "roan") duck.  They originated in France and look identical to Mallards.  They cannot fly though, as their body is too heavy for their wings to carry.  Right now Ahmi is living in the house.  It's still too cold outside and he is too small to be out on his own.  He is enjoying the nice comfy blankets on the couch and nightly snuggles and midday naps with me I think.  Ahmi is pretty fearless.  He expects the world to be safe and for others to look after him.  It amazes me how trusting and happy such a small, baby animal can be.  He has never seen danger or fear, so he does not know what it is.

Buck snorted out his nose and blew Ahmi off the block, hahaha

Buck and I have been playing recently.  Here is a list of what we can do now:
-Buck can back up when I'm standing on either side of him (doesn't matter where), in front, and behind.  Yesterday I even walked around Buck in circles while I asked him to back.  It was fun!
-Buck side passes away from me and towards me on both sides
-Rotates and plants his hooves on the front and back 
-I can get Buck to move each leg independently
-I can direct Buck to touch his nose on any point of focus despite the distance
-Move sideways to the fence in order to mount easily
-Bridleless riding (of course!)

Buck is getting bored with what I'm asking of him.  He learns things so quickly it's almost frustrating.  I need a lot more ideas!  If you think of anything, let me know and I'll do it!

Other than that, spring semester is nearly over.  I have two more papers to write, one presentation, and three finals.  I enjoyed this semester.  I made two friends (Mark and Jenessa) and I haven't gotten below a 95% in any class.  I may finally get that 4.0 I've been so close to getting for the past two semesters.

After school today I'm going over to Craig's to groom Zema and chat with Jennie.  I'm looking forward to it.  I want to spend as much time with him as I can.