After Logan and I got back from Africa things were okay for about four days. I wanted to start distancing myself from him for his sake, and mine. It was time he moved on for good and I was so tired of having to deal with the emotional bullshit that radiated from him. I didn't tell him anything new. Everything I said I told him before we went to Africa. "I want my space from you and I think you need it as well." "If you won't distance yourself from me, I'll do it for you." "I'm started to date other people and can see a relationship in the future." "It's time you start focusing your energy on something other than me." He had heard it from me about a dozen times before this point, but it really hit him like a ton of bricks this time for some reason.
I hit my breaking point when I told Logan I wanted the pictures from Africa off his computer, but I didn't want to see him because he was telling me he wanted to "talk." Which means I end up yelling and he ends up crying. I tried finding a way for him to just leave them on his door step and I could grab it, but he insisted on coming to my house and putting them on the porch. I figure, "Okay, I just won't answer the door and he'll leave the pictures and go." WRONG. BAD IDEA. I told him I would not answer the door and it would be best if he just put them in the mailbox and left. He didn't do that. Instead he spent the next thirty minutes outside my house, calling and texting me over and over again. He started using the pictures as a pry to get me to see him and I eventually said to just forget about it and leave or I'd call the police. He ended up leaving, but left the pictures (yay!). I ran downstairs and locked all the doors after that.
About twenty unanswered phone calls later, I told him I was blocking his number. He started contacting me on Facebook, so I blocked that as well. Shortly after I hear a knock on my door. I looked out the window and saw his car in my driveway. I was seriously scared he was going to come into the house through the garage since he knew the pass code. I didn't want to go downstairs for risk of him seeing me so I just stayed in the upstairs den and tried to focus on homework. I heard his car storm off about fifteen minutes later.
He created a fake Facebook account, I blocked that as well. I thought that he wouldn't have any other way of contacting me unless he showed up to my work, house, or school. I was wrong. He started e-mailing my phone from his numerous e-mail addresses. He also started, as many of you have experienced firsthand, contacting my friends and anyone who knew me. The lies he has been telling people are just outrageous. Apparently I made him buy the engagement ring AND the trip to Africa. I also used him for the trip and I'm a bitch. Sounds like stuff I would do, right? That's totally why I paid for my half of the expenses (minus the plane ticket because he wouldn't let me). Yeah, no. It's just BS. Throughout this time Logan had tried contacting me via e-mail and blog. At one point he even approached the building I was in while waiting for class at Weber State. He wanted to talk and see me. I just shook my head no a bunch of times and he eventually ended up leaving. Seeing him made me feel sick to my stomach. Keep in mind all of this has happened in two weeks.
I gave Logan plenty of warnings to stop contacting me and leave my friends and family alone. If this isn't harassment I don't know what else to call it. I have made it very clear I do not want his attention or any contact from him, and yet he continues to try harder and harder. My dad finally had to intervene as of this morning when Logan apparently looked at my Facebook and a post I posted about having my friends not reply to him. Logan wanted me to remove it. The way I look at it is, maybe if he wasn't acting so bat shit crazy I wouldn't have had to post that warning to my friends in the first place. I'm doing everything I can to control this situation, but the fact of the matter is, it's out of my control. I can keep ignoring him, tell my friends to do the same and not tell me about it, and try to focus on what I need to do in school. If he approaches me again, however, a protection order will be requested against him. I know the impact a protection order would have on him (as far as employment and whatnot go), but I need to feel safe. I shouldn't have to be scared to go to school, or wonder if he is sitting in my work parking lot, or Hell, if he is going to show up at my house again. I shouldn't have to feel that way.
As I mentioned in my previous blog I had met a guy named Evan. Him and I are officially together now, despite the trouble we have had with Logan. Logan was being absolutely ridiculous with Evan--offering to pay him to stay away from me, wanting to get involved in his and my business, telling him he is wasting his time. Evan, bless his heart, had stayed cool and collected the entire time. He has been nothing but supportive through this whole endeavor. The fact that this hasn't scared him off says a lot about him too, I think. Evan is a really great guy and keeps me down to Earth when I get into these moments of freaking out. It takes a special kind of person to balance that out and make me breathe again.
I feel bad for Logan. It's sad, really. All the lies he has hidden behind and the emotions he has buried for so long while we were together is monumental. I just don't think he could take it anymore and he snapped. I really hope one day Logan will be able to have a good life with a family he loves and a good job to spoil them. He deserves that. I understand people go through rough moments in their life, and although this is incredibly extreme, it happened and it just needs to be dealt with day by day. I wish him good luck in the present and in the future, and I hope this is his lowest point in life so he can only move forward from here.
On the bright side, here is a picture of me and a giraffe. It was awesome.
Jennifer, I haven't had the chance to apologize for the things that have happened after Africa and I hope you know how sorry I am for the way I acted. As you know, there were mixed signals given to me during this summer as well in Africa. That of course is no reason for me to act the way that I did.
ReplyDeleteFirst, just a few clarifications. You had told me about wanting to distance yourself. I accepted that but still you would text me and I would reply. It wasn't till after things happened that you seemed to act the way you have been saying. The reason for me wanting to talk with you is, you even know this, I know; through text and messages you can say things that you normal wouldn't though text and be as rude to me and understanding like I know you can be. That is why I wanted to talk so much about everything going on but you wouldn't give me that chance. It doesn't excuse how I acted though which I am terribly sorry. I had just had enough of hearing "no" from you that I knew we needed to talk to get anywhere instead of where we are now.
Second, I know I had contacted a few of your friends such as Evan, Alice, Dallas, Garrett, Miranda and even your sister. Before your post the other day (which I did not see from another account, rather a text from your friend and others all telling me what you had posted), I had written to them apologizing for how I have acted towards them and was upset that without knowing I had, you posted wrong information and it is degrading to me being that we have mutual friends and I don't wish to be looked at poorly or down on. I didn't deserve that. Your dad and I had already been discussing running and things with you. After seeing that post I asked him to ask you to remove it, respecting that you didn't want contact from me. Your father did not intervene, we had already been in contact and I simply asked him a favor.
Third, you say to leave your friends alone but some of them are my friends as well. I hope you do know that when you begin making someone look poorly to get attention, sympathy or whatever you were looking for; it’s just rude to do in a group of friends and I didn’t appreciate that and this but I’m just dealing with it.
Jenn, I really hope you know that you can feel safe at school. I promise you I won't approach you and I will not contact you like you have asked. I'm sorry to make you feel that way and I feel terrible about the situation and how I have been acting. With actually pulling myself out of my own head and away from it all it really hit me how I had been treating you and I hope you know I'm so so sorry. I
I wish I had my head on better before I upset her the amount that I have. There really is no excuse for the way I acted and I wish I hadn't been so stubborn and listened what you were saying to me. I'm sure by now had I; we would at least be friends and talk again. I love talking with you. You're someone that I can relate with and be myself and open to. You're as well the first girl I ever wanted to marry and had bought a ring for. I still care about you deeply and I really am moving on. That doesn't mean I don't want you as a friend and I hope one day we can be again. I'm glad you’re happy and I hope things with you and Evan can go well. You deserve to be treated well and I hope he can. Thank you for everything and please know I'm sorry. I hope you will leave this comment so people can at least know my side and a little more reasoning so they don't think I'm completely crazy. I did lose my cool for some time there but I really have calmed down. Thank you Jenn and if you want to talk, you know how to reach me.