So There Is Kind Of A Lot Going On Right Now

Well, here I am writing my blog back in my bed in good old Utah, USA.  It feels nice to be home after being in another country for ten days.  I miss South Africa though in special ways...like the people's hard-to-understand accents, the insane drivers, and sketchy hotels.  But really, the country was great.  I hope one day I'll be able to see all the animals again and spend a longer amount of time over there relaxing.  I miss my banana horn bill...If I could legally own one of those I would have taken one home with me.  They are so cool!  I love them.  Although lions are my favorite, I have gained so much appreciation for all the wildlife that surrounds us.  Every organism that walks this Earth is so unique to its surroundings I am in awe of it. 

So I'll talk about my animals first just to get that out of the way.  Basically, before I left Puppy was really mad at me for a couple reasons.  When I came back, he realized how much he missed me.  He is still clinging onto me like I got home yesterday.  Same with Freckles.  She actually brought me a dead bird on Sunday.  Cute, right?  Buck was, to say the least, extremely pissed that I was gone.  Usually when you leave a horse alone for a couple days they tend to process information a little more thoroughly and when you come back they are even better than before.  This is the second time I've been gone for a while and Buck has came back at me with his full load of stubbornness, head throwing, and pushing.  Luckily we were able to change that in a relatively quick manner.  I took him for a walk down the road and let him eat some delicious weeds.  I could tell he forgave me almost instantly once I took him out of his dry lot.  On our way back to the house I rode him bridleless for a little while.  We worked on figure eights at a trot and stopping in the front yard.  I am glad I have my Bucket Boy back.

So I got home on Monday, August 26.  College had already started so I was behind from the get go as far as my online classes go.  I didn't get to bed until 11:00 PM, then had to wake up at 7:00 AM to go to my on campus classes.  On Wednesday I was so sleep deprived I actually slept for 14 hours straight.  I fell asleep at 5:30 PM and woke up at 7:30 AM.  I felt amazing once I woke up though.  But alas, I am once again sleep deprived.  I love sleeping, but at the same time it is incredibly frustrating because it is so hard for me to sleep well.  I can fall asleep just fine, but staying asleep and getting a deep sleep is nearly impossible.  I've thought about going into the doctors for some help, but I know what's making me sleep terribly (stress).  Once I get that under control I'll see if my sleeping patterns change.  If not, I'll go in and see what can be done.

There has been a lot of stress going on coming from all areas of my life at the moment.  Some good stress and some bad stress.  I guess I'll kind of just vent and give everyone the story!
Before Logan and I went to Africa, I could have sworn people were taking bets on if we were going to come back as a couple or not.  Being as that was the place we were supposed to be engaged, I can understand how a lot of people may have been extremely suspicious.  So here is what really happened in Africa with Logan and I: Absolutely nothing.  Tada!  We got in a couple arguments about personal space and stuff, but other than that he was very well behaved and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.  

As of now, however, Logan and I are at a stand still with our friendship.  I really need my space away from him, and he needs to distance himself from me so he can move on in a more productive manner.  I know he doesn't understand why I say the things I do, but I've never been wrong about them.  He really just needs to get a few girl's numbers, take them on some dates, and explore life a little more.  If we want to be friends in the future, he needs to get over me.  I can't keep up this constant fighting.  Since I've moved on it's been an uphill battle with his emotions and desires.  It has worn me thin.

School has been kicking my ass.  After having a long, stressful summer, I feel like I didn't really have time to unwind and prepare myself for the next eight months of course work.  Nonetheless, I'm keeping up with the assignments (not so much on the reading...).  I really wish I could just sleep normally so I didn't have to wake up feeling tired every day, then have to push through the wall of tiredness just to do a simple assignment.  Concentrating gets pretty hard!  I'll be okay once I get into the rhythm of things better.

My dad's job is in jeopardy.  That's pretty terrifying. I won't talk about it too much because a lot of things are up in the air about it, but yeah.  Just a little insecure about the future of my parents and my living situation in correlation to college.

I met a guy named Evan at a friend's party about a month back.  Out of all the guys I've spoken to over the summer he's actually the first one to spark my interest in a new relationship.  Unfortunately for us, however, there is a ton of drama going on between Evan's group of friends and Logan's group of friends.  Logan, Evan, and I are the hot topic it seems.  Although Logan and Evan aren't friends, people seem to have a huge problem with Evan and I dating.  Evan's the asshole, I'm a bitch, and Logan is the victim.  I guess that's what happens when people have nothing better in their lives to think and talk about.  It will be okay, it's just all really, really stupid.

I'm concerned I am not dedicating enough time to Buck now that school has started and I'm working part-time.  He doesn't seem to mind, but for my own enjoyment and our relationship I'm actually beating myself up quite a lot for it.  I want to dedicate so much time to him it isn't even funny.  I almost feel guilty about it.  Luckily, starting next Monday, I am beginning lessons with a four year old girl.  We will mostly be working with books and small tangible objects, but every now and then we will go out with Bucket and I'll make her feel like she has magical powers.  So that will be every Monday and Wednesday from 10:00 to 10:30 AM.  I am hoping this will allow me more time to just be around Buck.  As a side note, a bit nervous to work with such a young child.  It will be a learning experience for me, as well as for her and her mother.

I keep coming down with stress induced headaches and colds.  Talk about annoying!  They will just appear out of nowhere when I get stressed, and then once I'm able to relax for a day or two they just magically go away!  I hate it, but am trying to do my best at managing it.  I feel bad I haven't been meditating.  I've became very out of practice and need to get back into it for my emotional, mental, and physical health.

So there you have it.  Everything that has gone on in one week.  Life is pretty crazy, isn't it?  I'll be okay in the end, it's just difficult right now.  I hope everyone else's lives are going well, though! Goodnight homies!  PEACE!