Right Here. Right Now.

I'm just going to put this out there: I am not ready to talk about the passing of Ahmi, Buck, or Puppy.  I will admit, I am running away from accepting recent happenings.  I can't afford to shake my emotions to the core until the semester is done with.  I have too much going on to lose it now...Just writing this short paragraph makes my insides twist and my eyes swell.  I will write individual blogs commemorating Bucket and Mo, but not anytime soon.  Not now.  Not yet.  I'm not ready.

A lot has gone on in the last three months, but what is new?  Besides the recent deaths, my life has mostly been filled with positivity and opportunity.  First of all, I seriously miss writing blogs.  It gave me a way to filter through my current circumstances and gain recognition from those who care about me.  I have been writing papers or working on some sort of project nearly every day since the semester started.  When I have down time the last thing I want to do is type on my computer more and possibly end up crying because of what I should write about (my Buckaroo and Mo).

I got a job as a research assistant! It was only a three week position, but I made BANK.  I loved that job.  Basically, I conducted PPVT-II (Peabody picture vocabulary test) tests on children ages 3 to 5.  These children come from impoverished minority backgrounds and attend a special preschool program called HeadStart.  It gives parents an opportunity to provide their child with early opportunity and structure that they otherwise would not have due to financial circumstances.  The purpose of the research was to help determine if HeadStart is actually working. It is a longitudinal study that is in it's third year.  I will continue to work for SLCAP (Salt Lake Community Action Partnership) in the future for post-tests and other data collection needs.

I will be getting my name published twice next year--one as an author for an article involving the evaluation of lab-based classroom and community-based classroom preservice teaching programs, and the other will be recognizing my contribution to editing and reviewing a condensed research dissertation.  The first article that will be published I actually directly wrote a portion of.  I was recommended to the early childhood studies department by two professors in the family studies department.  They said I consistently produce high quality work and I had exceptional writing ability and APA knowledge.  Asking to be a part of this article was intimidating.  If the article got accepted or rejected, I would have partial responsibility for the outcome.  I felt a lot of pressure and I was really afraid of not fulfilling my reputation.  Apparently, however, I did a fantastic job.  The professors who are the leads on the article had no feedback to give me on how I could make my portion better.  They asked if I could write a conclusion, but that was all. 
I was then asked by one of my professors to review her condensed dissertation.  It was 35 pages (originally it is over 250...), and every sentence it was very interesting.  She explained to me that she is submitting the article to one of the most recognized journals in the world.  This journal only accepts 27.8% of all submissions.  They invited my professor to submit her dissertation, which is a huge deal!  Again, I felt nervous about being asked to help out with significant research that would be published...but I have a hard time saying no, especially to research.  Let me tell you, it felt so weird making corrections on my professor's dissertation.  SO WEIRD.  After she reviewed my suggestions she thanked me and told me that I would be receiving an outstanding letter of recommendation from her when needed.  She also mentioned that she will be acknowledging me in her article.  Getting my name mentioned twice, one as an author and one for editing recognition, will certainly put me ahead of the rest for grad school.
...I was also invited to present research at the Utah Conference of Undergraduate Research (UCUR), the National Conference of Undergraduate Research (NCUR), AND Weber State University's Research Conference.  Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I can only do the conference at Weber State University next semester.  I'll aim to submit research for UCUR and NCUR next fall.
That's all I'm gonna talk about with school.  I'm kicking ass and getting a fantastic reputation in the department.  There is a lot more that has gone on, but I don't want to write a blog on my bragging rights--I'll save that for the book I write after I get my PhD ;)

I met a guy...but I'm going to have to write a blog just for that.  The relationship certainly deserves its own post.  I have three months of relationship development to catch you up on!

I think this is all I'm gonna write for the night.  I've had "Write your God damn blog!" on my to-do list for nearly a month now.  It started giving me anxiety looking at it every day, so I finally decided to delete it and do it when I was ready to dive back in, ha.  But here I am.  I am back.  I am trying to stay present and keep myself from slipping.  Every night is a struggle.  Every.Night...

I hope that writing my blog again will help keep my mind focused on the positive and current events.  We will see.  I am bound to become emotionally exhausted from holding it all back sooner or later, but I'd rather it happen later than sooner.  Not now.  Not yet.  I'm not ready...