From Pie Town Till Now

Hello everyone.

It's been a little while since I last posted because life has been pretty busy.  I've had time to reflect over my experience in Pie Town, NM and I've gotten more out of it than I originally thought.  Last night I had a conversation with a girl who trained reining horses.  Of course with my new knowledge I respectfully probed as to why she followed that method of training with bits, spurs, shoes, etc. when it could all be done naturally.  When she told me it was the only way to get a two year old horse ready to slide 30 feet by the time they were three, I realized she was a corporate horse trainer and no matter what I said she'd throw it back at me.  She was in it for the money and ego, not for the health or enjoyment of the horse.  She had an agenda, and it wasn't a very positive one.  It made me sad for the horses she trained.  A horse that young isn't physically or mentally ready to participate in such demanding circumstances.  She said it was for the clientele...that's supposed to justify it, right?  Wrong.  I don't understand...

I can't say I blame her though.  I've been there before, too.  I rode and worked with horses the only way I knew how--with saddles, bits, spurs, crops, etc.  But now, I do know better and I will never go back.  I can't feel guilty for how I used to work with horses because I didn't know any better until just a year ago.  It ticks my nerve when I attempt to talk to other horse riders about natural horsemanship and they almost get offended I brought it up, or they simply say it's not possible, or only under special circumstances with a lot of time.  My favorite line is, "It's cool, but it's not realistic."  It's like, there is a better way...but some people choose to not see it because they are afraid of being wrong.  But I think that's human nature.  At least I know better now and I wasn't afraid of taking the right step forward, that's what important.  All I can do is help implant the idea of natural horsemanship into other people's minds, and they can do what they want with it. 

 

On the second to last day at Pie Town, a group of six horses and their riders, including me, went on a four and half hour trail ride.  The ride proved its difficulties for Buck in the way that I wouldn't let him walk by a horse he knew, and he got incredibly anxious and bull headed.

Larry and Bubba

We rode most of the way about thirty feet behind the group with Larry and his horse Bubba.  Bubba kicked Buck twice because he was being so obnoxious.  It brought Buck's mind back to the present and he collected himself for a while.  

 

The ride was mostly flat with desert flora.  We did come up to a huge hill, however.  We had to zigzag our way up it in order to get to the other side and finish the ride.  I was riding Buck bareback, and this was the first time I'd have to be in a vertical position on a horse without anything to grip onto.  I was a bit intimidated, but we did it!  I clinged onto Buck's sides with my legs and held onto my Savvy string and his mane and up we went!  We zigzagged the first half, but then Buck decided going straight up was better, so that's what we did.  Buck had a blast!  It really engaged his mind and challenged him in his own way. I think he needs to be taken on more difficult trails because easy ones bore him.

Near the end of the ride we came across a large dried up lake.  It was our chance to run!  I don't think Buck has actually ever galloped with someone on him.  Even in the pastures he usually only hits a fast canter.  Unfortunately, Buck didn't break a canter when I encouraged him to gallop, but he did get going pretty fast.  His eyes lit up and ears went forward.  He was so happy in that moment and so was I.  I think Buck hasn't had much fun in his life and it's turned him into a dull, hard horse.  He needs to have more moments like that.  He deserves it.

 Oh yeah, and Buck and I also went swimming in the large pond at the ranch.  I didn't get pictures of it, but it was a moment that couldn't be captured on camera anyway.  The enjoyment and thrill was with Buck and I.  A camera would have just caught the motion.

When we came back home we immediately started working on the lawn.  So.much.weeding.  I don't think I've ever weeded so much in my life.  But, it was worth it.  I was able to have a really nice BBQ and fire with about 20 of my friends two nights ago.  Being surrounded with so many people that wanted to enjoy my company really made me realize how blessed I am to be living the life I am.

I worked with Buck this morning for the first time since we got back last Saturday...it was a nightmare.  He's turned back into a dominant asshole that keeps intruding in on my space.  I don't want to say we are starting over from square one, but I'll need to begin working with him every morning and night again if I want to get back to where we were.  I hate demographics...I'm just thankful I have the tools to make progress once more.

As a side note, I think my new thing to photograph is snails.  There are so many in my backyard and I find them intriguing.  They are beautiful in their own and the world should start appreciating them more! 

Oh, and before I forget to mention this.  My blood work came back normal for hyperthyroidism.  My pituitary gland is functioning at the high end of normal and they detected swelling somewhere in my body (led to another blood test but they aren't worried about it), but overall, I'm a pretty healthy person.  The doctor said that I may have an underlying anxiety problem which is causing my weight loss, sleeping problems, and other issues.  She directed me to get a melatonin supplement to get sleeping better (totally works) and to start taking care of my emotional-self better.  If things don't change she wants me go back and talk to her about what's going on in my brain.  I feel good about it and the anxiety does make sense. I guess I'll have to start meditating more regularly again!  Shucks ;)

Making Progress

 

On Sunday I watched a front leg and hoof dissection.  I was able to get through it without getting all anxious!  Boy, I am so glad I was able to watch it.  It was so cool seeing how all the ligaments, veins, and blood vessels worked to move the hoof and supply it with blood.  

That evening I was able to discuss holistic feline diets with the wonderful veterinarian who put on the clinic, Tomas Teskey.  I got pretty excited about it...hah.  He is an amazing, calm, and focused individual.  I love what he is doing for animals and the knowledge he is sharing with people.

We finished up the hoof clinic on Sunday, so yesterday was our first day of actual horsemanship training.  Buck is a strong-willed, knuckle headed Appaloosa.  I am actually slightly scared to work with him because A) He is huge B) He turns into a frantic lunatic when he gets separated from his buddies (which is often) and C) He loves NOT respecting my space.  However, yesterday was a success! We had our bumps throughout the day, but overall, he and I did learn a lot about each other and respecting one another's space.  I became pretty discouraged at some points, but the other people at the clinic were great at reminding me I was doing everything right.  When Buck decides to get big and stupid, I have to be four times bigger.  That means if he decides to be 10 feet tall, I have to be 40 feet tall.  If he decided to do his frantic and nervous whinny when he is by himself, I have options and tools to make him move, quiet down, or listen to me.  It is very tiring working with an animal like Buck because he consistently challenges me, but I hope as the days go by it will get easier and more enjoyable.  I hate fighting with him all the time!  Everyone is commenting on how well I am handling him, and it makes me feel so good.  A lot of the time I feel like I'm a failure and am being overly rude to Buck, but in reality, it's exactly what I need to be doing if I want to feel safe and show him it's not okay to act like a blubbering idiot.

I called my doctor yesterday to get the results of my blood test. Her nurse called me back about an hour later and told me I needed to come in to get the results.  I asked her, "Does that mean they aren't normal?" and she responded with, "Most likely not..."  Sooo that leads me to believe if they were normal she would have just said so (that's what all my other doctors have done in the past anyway).  But, I do understand the the HIPA violations associated with released ANY sort of medication information over the phone...so I am going to reserve my anxiety until I go in next Monday.  However, I am pretty nervous about what the results will show.  Who knows, maybe I'm just an anxiety ridden 20 year old!

This morning was incredible!  When I walked into the barn to get Buck he was leaning his head over the panel, staring at me like I was the best thing in the world.  He was obviously waiting for me to take him out.  Three days ago he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence!  As the clinic started I noticed many changes.  Since last night, Buck had thought about and processed yesterday's activities and it had clearly made an impact on his behavior.  There was only one instance when Buck wouldn't give me my space, but it was quickly corrected.  His anxiety is also much lower than it has been as well.  And this is only day two!  I am so excited to see what the next few days bring us.

I am thoroughly enjoying my time in New Mexico.  I was thinking last night how fortunate everyone is to be here.  Even though things in life may not be ideal, such as health, financial problems, relationship issues, etc., the fact that we can be here is incredible.  It is such a unique experience and I am thanking my lucky stars for bringing me to this wonderful place.

An Update From Pie Town, New Mexico

So my mom and I left at 7:00 A.M yesterday with Buck and Tango in tow.  It was supposed to be a 12 hour drive, but it turned more into a 15 hour drive due to some major hiccups along the way.  I was going to drive the truck and trailer for a part of the drive, but the wind was too strong...so instead I slept for about five or six hours.  It was awesome.  The people we were caravaning with ran into some major truck problems.  I felt so bad for them and their horses because they were basically stranded for a good while until Larry (one of the owners of Horse Haven) was able to pick up their horse trailer with his truck.  My mom and I decided to drive to the ranch alone...and we got lost for about an hour.  It was pitch dark outside and there were elk crossing the road everywhere. Talk about terrifying.  Regardless of the issues, however, we arrived in one piece and the horses were so happy to be able to run around and get out of the cramped trailer.  My mom and I were pretty happy to get out of the truck too I think.

Today was the first day of the hoof clinic.  I learned a ton about the anatomy of hooves, and I even got to watch a hoof dissection.  The layers of the hoof are incredible and so intricate.  I gained a lot of appreciation for the self-trimming hoof and natures way of maintaining a horse's hooves.  I had to leave when they started dissecting the leg though because I started feeling really anxious about Foxy's passing and how she broke her leg.  Instead I took a two hour nap which I desperately needed.  Tomorrow is another day full of learning about diseases that effect the hoof and how a good/bad hoof can have an effect on other parts of the body.  On Sunday we will begin the horsemanship segment of the clinic.  I'm really excited for that part!

Horse Haven (where the clinic is taking place) is a beautiful facility. The house is stunning, and the horse facilities are to die for.  Everything is clean and where it should be, the horses are happy, and the people are a joy to be with.  The sky out here is huge!  There was a thunder storm tonight that brought in lightning and a nice cool breeze.  A nice rainbow even formed for part of the evening.  More pictures to come!

 

I still haven't been able to donate plasma.  Last time I went in my resting heart rate was 124 and they informed me I lost 10 pounds, so I decided I needed to go to the doctor.  I told the doctor how I lost weight without intending to do so, I've been feeling exhausted, not sleeping through the night, my heart has been racing and it's been hard to breathe at times, restless legs, plus I've been having hot flashes, amongst some other abnormal things.  The doctor basically told me I have hyperthyroidism (my thyroid is functioning wayyy too fast which is causing these issues).  She took a blood sample and will be testing to verify that I have hyperthyroidism, diabetes, or other issues.  I should get the results on Monday.  I hope the blood work comes back with something...I really don't want to get poked at more!  Being exhausted is by far the most annoying thing.  I seriously feel like I need to sleep ALL THE TIME.  And if I do, I wake up just as tired as I did when I went to sleep.  New Mexico is proving to be difficult so far because of it.  I'm pulling energy out of nowhere it feels like.

 


The sky was beautiful tonight.  Nothing beats the clean air out here and open spaces.  This really is a horse haven!  It's nearly 11:00 P.M and tomorrow is going to be another day filled with knowledge and socializing.  Till next time...
 

The Days are Blurring Together

A lot has changed.  I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse, but it is change.  I'm finally starting to feel like summer has began.  I've been meeting new people, going to movies and hikes, and getting way sunburned.  I seem to forget what day it is on a regular basis and can't believe how quickly the weeks are flying by.

Last Sunday Logan dropped off a bag of things I gave him over the years.  In the bottom was an engagement ring.  I cried for a good two hours after that.  All the emotional bullshit finally hit me.  I am a strong individual, but that really just broke my heart.  I was able to get him to take it back, luckily.  I have no idea what I would have done with it.  I wouldn't of had the heart to sell it, and I couldn't just stick it in a drawer.  I don't know what Logan will do with it, but it sure is gorgeous and I hope it can make someone very happy one day.  I still don't understand why he would have bought a ring and planned on asking me to marry him, and then acted so foolishly.  It just doesn't make sense.

On a brighter note, the animals are adjusting very well.  Puppy and Freckles go outside on a regular basis now and they stay in the yard (for meow).  OJ and the horses are getting along fantastically, too.  We are going to have a barn built within the next month! Sooo excited!
 
My mom and I will be headed to New Mexico in a week.  I wish I was more excited about it, but I am currently so wrapped up in what's been going on with Logan and trying to get comfortable in this house it is exhausting.  Once I'm there I hope I'll be able to let go and focus on what I love--Horses.

I've been spending time with a lot of new people recently.  Guys, of course, since girls seem to think I'm the Black Plague or something -.-  I've met some great people!  I won't mention names, but each of them is very different and it's so refreshing! One of them is very into Buddhism, another is just a sweet, down to earth kind of guy, and a few others are just excellent at making conversation.  I went on a hike yesterday (Holy wow I'm out of shape), and it was so enjoyable!  I wish I had more time to do stuff like that with everyone.  I'm realizing I'm not very good at friend management x.x That's something I'm going to need to work on and hopefully they will stick around until I can figure it out.  

 Eugine finally got his carstache.  At first people are taken back by it, and then they realize what is is and either say, "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen." or "That is freaking hilarious."  Either way, he looks pimpin'.

There was a beautiful double rainbow the other day.  It is so peaceful out here, especially when it rains.  I love summer, but I wish it would rain more often.

"Double Rainbow, oh my God..."

Well, I suppose that's all.  I currently have a cold so I'm stuck at home until I get better.  I haven't donated plasma at all this week because my heart rate has been too high.  I'm thinking it's because I was dehydrated and now I'm sick.  Hopefully I'll be able to donate again next week! One of my new friends works there so it makes it much more enjoyable...although he did tell me my donation hardly amounts to any life saving quantities, ha.  As long as I still get paid, I don't mind ;)

Today.

Today was yet another busy day in the Ghan house.  We didn't really do anything productive as far as unpacking and organizing goes, but we did go shopping for about a million hours (slight exaggeration) and did some miscellaneous stuff around the house.

I planted my vegetables today!  They are doing very well.  I can't wait to have my own eggplants, yellow squash, and tomatoes :)  After I planted them, I let Mo and Feckle out for the first time.  Boy, did they love it!  

Puppy officially chased away his first "stray" cat that was in our backyard by the hay.  He felt pretty tough.  

Feckle found a bug and decided to eat it, only to spit it back out and play with it for a little while longer. 
 
My parents sold their sailboat today. YAY!  To celebrate they bought a lawn mower and an awesome computer.  Get money to spend money, right?  I am happy for them.
I also got to talk to Alice today too!  I wasn't expecting her to call me from China but it was sooo nice hearing how she has been.  I can't wait for her to come back so we can have some fun and enjoy summer!


I got my bareback pad from my parents!  I was able to use it for the first time today. Man, that pad is AMAZING.  Buck was well behaved when we walked around the neighborhood with my mom and Tango, but then he turned into a knuckle head when I actually asked him to work slightly.  Despite his atrocious behavior, that pad made me stick to him like glue and I felt safe.  He's a good horse...if you don't ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do.  It's pretty intimidating when a half ton horse wants to run you over because he wants to be with his friend in the pasture.  For the first time ever, Buck actually hurt me doing just that yesterday.  I'm really looking forward to going to New Mexico in a few weeks.  Buck has some pretty thick walls that need to be broken down and New Mexico is the only way it's going to happen.

Oh, and I found a rather large snail in our front yard.  His name is Snail Man and he enjoys long strolls along the flower gardens, but hates salty additives. 

It's Exhausting

Life isn't exactly what I would call perfect, but I'm trying my hardest to stay positive.

This morning I woke up and looked out my huge ass bay window in my room as I lay in bed (seriously, it's huge.  Pictures to come after I paint my room).  The sky was blue and swirled with clouds.  There were two male mallard ducks chasing after a female.  Their movements in the sky were stunning!  It made me smile.  When I look out my window I see a huge alfalfa field and Antelope Island.  It really is such a beautiful place.  I feel like I can breathe out here.  Although I love the house and the views, I still feel very unsettled and it is exhausting.  I feel like I've been in the moving process for two months between Cedar City and now this new house.  One day it will all be over.
 
A lot of work needs to be done at this house, but nothing that is unmanageable.  It just requires a lot of time and help from other people.  On the third day we had some pretty serious septic tank problems.  It had to be

pumped, unclogged, and then some piping needed to be replaced.  The lawn is in awful condition.  OJ doesn't even want to touch parts of it.  The previous owners didn't take care of their land very well.  Luckily it's an easy fix, but it's again going to take time.  Nearly all the walls in the house need to be washed or repainted either because they have patch work done on them or they look filthy. Welcome home, right?  I make this house sound like its a disaster.  It isn't.  It's a beautiful home that has been, for the most part, well taken care of.

Last night OJ got out and refused to stay put in his pen.  He kept escaping.  My dad told me to tie him up to a rope so he stayed in place.  So I got the rope, but as I opened the door to the back yard, I look down to see OJ.  He had curled up and fallen asleep on the doormat right outside the door.  It was the sweetest thing I had seen in a while.  Needless to say, I didn't tie him up and he slept the night away on the doormat.  He is extremely lonely during this time and is craving any sort of affection.  He will follow you around, lean his head into your body, talk to you...he is so social and is in an extremely unsocial environment right now, unfortunately.  Hopefully that will change for the little guy when we bring the horses over this weekend.

Logan and I are no longer together.  Things got out of hand and I realized I deserve much better.  I'm too young and too good of a person to settle for someone less than me.  It's sad.  I love Logan very, very much, but he needs to work out his own life before he can start working on a relationship.  We will still remain friends, but for the time being we are taking a break from one another.  Two years is a long time to stay with a person, but I've spent the last four in relationships pretty much from beginning to end.  I don't consider that a bad thing because I am a happy person (I must have done something right), but I think I'm going to fly solo for a while.

Oh, and Jacky got me a bottle of yummy wine as well as this bad ass mustache ring.  Pretty sweet gifts.  I loved the wine and I wear the ring nearly every day.

As a side note, I can't decide if I want to get hair extensions next month (Yes, this means I must be on drugs).  I think I'm going to go in and get a quote done to see how much it will be and let that be the deciding factor.

Turning Twenty

I really wanted to make this post yesterday, on my actual birthday, but that didn't happen because of laziness on my part.

Although I didn't technically "celebrate" my twentieth birthday on the day of my birthday, that's okay.  I had an amazing day anyway!  I woke up to Puppy laying on my chest and staring at me, waiting for me to wake up.  When I finally did open my eyes I'm pretty sure he sang Happy Birthday (kitty version) to me for the next fifteen minutes.  It was pretty freaking adorable how much he was using his dinosaur noises to express whatever he was feeling that morning.

Alice and I went shopping for new clothes later that morning.  I spent $60 on three amazing pairs of jeans and a hoodie I won't be able to wear until next Fall.  But hey, a bargain is a bargain!  I was in desperate need of some new jeans.  I've been wearing ones I go horse riding in for the last two weeks.  Gross!We came home and I had a Jamba Juice out on the back lawn.  OJ stood beside me and Puppy and Freckles laid down next to me.  OJ has been really upset lately because we tore down his pen (his only home for 10 years). I haven't seen him this upset since Foxy passed away.  But he calmed down for the time I was out there.  

Moving is becoming bitter sweet.  As I sat on the grass in the shade I listened to the birds chirp and watched the horses graze.  The blue sky was spotted with white puffy clouds and the trees in the back pastures swayed silently.  I thought about how on my 8th birthday my parents bought me Foxy.  I thought about how  on my 13th birthday I made a movie with about 10 of my friends and Buck.  I thought about my 18th birthday how we celebrated my early graduation and me getting the internship at the cat park.  There are so many memories of just my birthdays alone that I am having to physically leave behind, but it's okay, because now new people (and there kids) can make there own memories here.  In the end, I am glad I got to spend one last birthday at my childhood home.  I will miss it.

Now for the gifts!  My birthday is kind of being dragged out due to the move.  I opened Logan's and Alice's presents yesterday, but I will be opening my family's gifts this weekend, and then in a couple weeks I'll be having my actual birthday party.  But as for what I got yesterday, I LOVE THEM.  Alice made me the most thoughtful gift I have ever received.  She gave me a bunch of things (including a cat shirt, YES), but my favorite was a box she made filled with reasons why she likes me and what she hopes for me in the future.  So perfect!  If you're reading this Alice, THANK YOU! :)  Logan got me an incredible gift as well.  He has always wanted to help me with my leg pain and I think he finally found a way!  He got me a 3Q calf, ankle, and foot massager.  This thing is truly amazing.  It almost immediately eliminated my leg pain and fatigue.  I'll be using this when my legs are keeping me up at night so I can actually get a good nights sleep for once, not to mention it's coming with me to New Mexico.  I'll really need it after twelve hour days out with the horses.  He also got me Sims 3 Seasons and Sims 3 Vacations, plus the Life of Pi DVD.  When things calm down I am going to go Sim crazy!  I can't wait to see what else people will get me in the next little bit.  I love gifts!

Well, I guess that's all for meow.  The move is going well thus far, I'm just excited to be done with it and live in a place that actually looks like a house instead of a vacant lot.