Good Start To 2014

My oh my!  Things have been incredible!  And by "things" I mean EVERYTHING.  School, relationships, work, depression, etc.  I don't even know where to begin.  I am so excited for this coming year!

I guess since everyone has been wondering who this Adam guy is I should start with that.  Adam and I met in September and went on our first date in November.  It was an instant connection and before I knew it I was going to bed every night with my face hurting from smiling so much because of him.  We took things relatively slow for the first two months.  We just casually dated and got to know each other.  I didn't want to jump into anything too quickly as I felt I was still figuring some stuff out within myself.  But, as of January 18 we called it official.  He lives in West Valley, which is about an hour away from where I live.  It kind of sucks because I am so used to seeing my significant other nearly every day, but I think it's a good change.  This gives me the opportunity to continue to focus on other important things as an individual and make sure I have time for myself and what I'd like to do, which is what I wanted for this year.  I didn't anticipate being in a relationship because I was so set on focusing on me, myself, and I.  Adam is just such a great guy I couldn't pass him up.  His family is truly amazing as well.  One of the most accepting and open groups of people I've ever met.  I have never enjoyed being around so many people at one time as I do with his family.  I get along with them well and I think they like me, too.  I am really looking forward to mine and Adam's time together in the future.  We compliment each other well and there has never been a dull moment when I'm around him.

Oh, and he is pretty much super handsome.  That's a bonus on top of his outstanding personality.  Adam, if you are reading this, I hope your face hurts just as much as mine does!  You make me very happy :)

Next up, school!  A lot of neat stuff is happening with college.  I think I finally found my true calling.  Family studies!  I know, I know, many of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking, "How is this any different than the last 7 times?"  Truth is, I didn't realize how passionate about relationships I was until recently.  I absolutely love seeing the interpersonal dynamics between people, families, and couples.  The psychology behind is pretty neat too.  The program is simple, but so far I have learned more about marriages and relationships in two weeks than I have in my entire life.  I am super stoked.  It's looking like I'll be able to graduate in Spring of 2015 if I do everything right.  I'll be going through the program with a new friend, Mark, who is in two of my classes.  In the upcoming semesters we will be taking the same classes at the same time, so we will be seeing a lot of each other.  He is pretty smart and wants to be a marriage counselor.  He is only the second person I've actually met in college that I've became friends with...and I've been in college a pretty long time!  I'm going to take part in academic honors within the family studies department.  I'll be graduating with a shiny metal and an awesome resume because of it.  It's going to take some extra work, but I'm looking forward to it.  I'll also be applying to be a family studies officer.  They only have 10 positions open, so hopefully I'll get chosen! I have a good feeling about it.

I went to the doctor last week and discussed my current status with depression and anxiety.  The 5 mg of Lexapro I was prescribed isn't enough anymore.  My body has built up a tolerance to that dosage, so I am now taking 10 mg instead.  My doctor is concerned about the side effects I experienced on the 5 mg, and is wondering if they will worsen on a higher dosage.  Low blood pressure is by far the worst.  I'm lucky I haven't fainted yet because of it.  I have to keep a close eye on what my activity level is and my body position, specifically laying down and sitting and then standing up.  I can deal with the vivid dreams, and my doctor thinks the night sweats were because of anxiety.  They have gotten a lot less, which I am thankful for.  The therapist I have been seeing has helped immensely with guiding me through the trauma with Foxy.  We practiced grounding exercises and I use them pretty frequently here at home and at school.  They make life much easier.  Sometimes I think being strong about what happened has made me callused to my true emotions and feelings towards the accident.  It's almost like I need to talk to him when I'm having a flashback or when I'm really upset about it.  I don't think that's going to happen though.  I can't let my guard down long enough for that to happen.  I'm going to begin discussing the stress of my family at our next session.  I think that has caused a lot of building anxiety since the summer.

Finally, horse stuff.  Buck has been pretty upset at me lately.  I haven't been outside nearly as much as I should be for a couple reasons, but it's no excuse.  I need to spend a few days giving him the TLC he deserves and wants!  I've picked up a few clients for natural horsemanship.  Some horses (and people) are going to be much easier than others.  For the more difficult ones I'm going to need to stretch my knowledge.  It will be a learning curve.  I'm hoping to get help from Jennie and Larry, as well as Craig and Connie, when I need it.  So far, so good though.  I am nervous about people looking up to me like they are.  I swear some of them think I'm some protege or something.  I know I'm good at what I do with horses, but it is a lot of pressure and I want to be enough for what others are expecting of me.  By no means am I a professional...I won't take up anything I don't think I can handle or give the appropriate help to.  I believe that as I work with my clients more and start seeing improvements within the person and horse I'll feel better about it.  As of right now it's a bit nerve racking though and I wish I had some guidance.

So I think that's about it.  "Things" are happening nicely and life is exciting! I feel confident, in control, and positive.  I hope everything is going well with my family and friends that I don't talk to as often as I should.  I know some pretty cool things have been happening!  I am watching and paying attention to lives other than my own, don't worry ;)   Oh, and sorry for the lack of pictures.  I haven't been taking too many as of late because of the weather.

Plans For 2014

I guess this is something that I should blog about.  What am I going to do in 2014?  Well, there won't be any New Year resolutions or fancy plans to change who I am.  Here it is in a nut shell. I think this year I'm going to focus mostly on myself.  Not for another person's wants, needs, and desires.  It's my year.  I dunno exactly what my master plans are, but I'll figure it out as it comes. 

If one thing is for certain, I want to get a control of my emotional stress and triggers.  The grounding techniques my therapist has given me has already done wonders concerning flashbacks and trauma-drawn emotions.  I am excited to see where my mental state ends up as a result of therapy and the medication.  I am hoping to be completely done with both by the end of summer.

I am going to go to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the entire semester.  Some days I may not be able to make it because of doctor appointments and other obligations I can't reschedule, but for the most part I'll be there three days a week for at least an hour at a time.  The purpose of going to the gym isn't for me to look better (although that is a perk), but more so that I can be in shape and more flexible for the yoga I plan on doing with Buck.

Speaking of my Bucket, I'm not sure what I want to do with him this year.  Of course we will work on our relationship more and test the limits of trust, but overall I think we are just gonna have do our best and announce it as it happens!  I want to get more horse riding lesson clients too! How many people actually want to take lessons is out of my control, but I am going to put a lot of energy into advertising and promoting natural horsemanship for beginners. 

I hope to take at least 15 credit hours a semester so I can graduate by Spring 2015 with my bachelors of integrated studies.  I'm not saying I'm going to resolve to get a 4.0, but that sure would be nice!  I'll try my best!

Here is to a new year with new adventures, achievements, struggles, realizations, and knowledge!  I have a feeling I won't be disappointed :)

 Goodbye 2013!

A Relfection on 2013

The time has come!  I've been putting off this reflection for a while for a few reasons: 
A) It's going to be a long post.
B) It requires a lot of thinking.
C) I'm lazy.

Let's go through this month by month.
January: My hair got cut off completely one day before the semester started.  I was going in to get a new short hair style, and came out looking like a boy.  It was an accident, ha.  Fortunately, people still thought I was pretty.  Someone even gave me shampoo because they felt bad! HA!  I also met my friend from China, Alice.

February: Logan and I started dating again after breaking up the following December.

March: I learned that Buck was going to be my new horse.  I wasn't very happy about it, and I don't think Buck was either.  Foxy's one year anniversary of her death was on March 28th.  I was still recovering from the accident at this point. I surrounded her grave with a fence in remembrance of how much she meant to me.  OJ stayed by her grave for hours afterwards.

April: I completed spring semester with my associates of applied science from Southern Utah University.  My graduating GPA was a 3.5.

May: I moved back home from Cedar City on May 7th to the Hooper house. On May 18th we moved after 13 wonderful years to a new house in Taylor. I still really miss the old house.  I broke up with Logan for the same reason I broke up with him in December. I decided to go into Elementary Education instead of communications. Not because I didn't want to, but because I wouldn't have to be in school for as long. Oh, and I turned 20 but did not celebrate too much.

June: Pie Town, NM!  Mine and Buck's relationship was still nonexistent.  I think I recall him stepping on me four or five times since March.   I saw my first horse leg and hoof dissection.  I learned by Foxy broke her leg.  Logan gave me an engagement ring, we stopped talking.

July: Logan told me he bought me tickets to go to South Africa back in February, so we started talking again.  He and Alice came to Marysvale with my family for the 4th of July.  I had to stop donating plasma because my heart rate was at a steady 115 and I had to go to the doctor for it.  But, I made a friend with one of the workers there before I stopped going, Cam! Alice, Cam, and I went to the zoo and aquarium. It was a blast!

August: Logan and I went to South Africa for ten days.  It was a trip of a lifetime and I will be going back one day.  That country is just amazing.  We also spent a day in Washington DC and saw the natural history museum. I started college back at Weber State University as a junior.  Oh, and Buck and I started riding bridleless!

September: Not a lot happened.  I was going full steam ahead in college and working with Buck every day.  Buck and I had made significant progress in our relationship by this point.  I began going to therapy and started on antidepressants as recommend by my doctor to treat my PTSD, anxiety, and of course, depression.

November: I went to Washington and Oregon for Thanksgiving.  It was nice seeing family I haven't seen in years and years, but at the same time it kind of just refueled my anger towards how uninvolved they've been in our lives here in Utah.

December: Graduated with 3 A's and 1 A- for the second semester in a row.  I just can't seem to get a 4.0!  I am getting a bachelors in integrated studies.  My concentrations are psychology, child and family studies, and communications.  I will be graduating spring 2015, and will start my masters program the following fall.  I cancelled by PRAXIS exam and instead signed up to start getting my equine specialist certification for EAGALA.

This year went by incredibly fast.  I learned a lot of valuable lessons and discovered characteristics about myself that are priceless.  One of the most important things I learned is to not sell myself short for what I really deserve in life.  I have a greater respect for my intelligence, morals and values, talents and desires.

To the New Year!

Buck, Medication, and College

So yeah, we have been having between 0 and 15 degree days at my house.  It hasn't kept me inside though, which is surprising.  I have always hated the cold.  This is the first winter that I have actually been outside nearly every single day.  It's all because of Buck, too.  Him and I have been going on daily rides.  We get to watch the sun set over the snowy fields and spend a lot of time together in the silence.  We can hear each other so clearly.  He has been feeling good lately.  His transitions are flawless.  He can go from a walk to a canter in a split second--something that was impossible to do a few short months ago.  

The last play day we had Jennie and Larry noticed that Buck was rotating his hind legs out a significant amount at a walk and trot.  It was brought to my attention from a vet at the play day that Buck's previous owners had taken them to her and had him evaluated for bone spavins.  He tested positive for them.  For those of you who don't know what a bone spavin is, it is the final stage of joint degeneration in the hocks.  We don't know how long ago he was diagnosed with it and how severe it was when he was tested, so we decided to take him back in.  Four x-rays later we were able to determine that Buck has nearly fused the lower 1 and 2 joints in both his hocks.  These lower joints are not the primary joints that the hock relies on for flexing.  He may appear to be slightly more stiff on the hind end, but overall it should not affect his performance. This is a very painful process for horses, but it is a relief that his body started to fuse them so long ago and now they are nearly complete.  I feel bad though because we had no idea he was in the process of fusing.  The strain on his hocks during certain movements explains his resistance to following through with repeated commands.  Although irritating the joints encourages fusing, without any pain medication it is really quite an unpleasant thing to experience for a horse.

 These are his four x-rays.  The part outlined in red is the area where the two joints are fusing.  The blue circle indicates the remaining space between the two joints that needs to finish fusing.  His right joints are nearly completely fused, which is great.  His left, as you can see, has a significant amount left to go.  As a treatment option to encourage the joints to continuing fusing with the minimal pain possible, we injected Buck's hocks with dormosedan, polyglycan, and banamine....basically a bunch of stuff to reduce pain, help the other joints in the area, and encourage fusing.  We don't know if the rotation he was having was due to the pain on his hocks or if it is his stifles.  I will have to watch over the next couple weeks to see if the injections reduced the amount of rotation or not. All in all though Buck will be with me for a long time.  The only thing I'll have to watch out for is making sure I am not putting him in situations where he has to have an increased amount of prolonged pressure on the joints, as the fusion can break (ouch!).

As a side note, it is very possible Buck pulls himself with his front instead of pushing himself with his hind because of the pain he has experienced in his hocks.  Pulling himself relieves pressure on those joints.  I'm hoping once he has finished fusing he will start pushing instead, but we will see.  He has been pulling for a long, long time.

Aside from Buck, things have been "eh."  My medication is still doing its jobs, but the side affects have not gone away yet, which is not a good sign.  Just last night I woke up due to a night sweat.  It's so annoying. No one likes waking up covered in sweat -.-  The vivid dreams are still pretty common, almost nightly.  So far they haven't been disturbing but I don't necessarily enjoy having them.  I've never heard voices before, but man, last night was a first for that.  I was woken up by some voice yelling my name. It sounded like a demon.  Then for about thirty minutes after that random sounds were amplified in such a way they didn't seem real.  I've been so light headed and dizzy lately too.  I dunno.  Ugh.  I need to make another appointment with my doctor.

I am going to have a VERY busy next month a half.  I didn't know it at the time I signed up for my classes, but my biopsychology course is a 7 week speed course.  Four exams, at least one research based paper, plus multiple assignemnts...joy.  My ENGL 3300 class is gonna be fun.  My professor said that if we don't want to be overwhelmed when the semester starts that it would be a good idea to read 14 of the 35 books assigned before January 6.  I need to make a trip to the library, ha.  And I have three other classes, too.  My PRAXIS exam is scheduled for January 13.  I've already started studying for it, but it's going to take a lot of work.  I have to pass the first time around or I am in major jeopardy of not being able to start my education levels until Spring 2015.  That would put my degree back another year, and I would be unable to take other courses that are applicable towards my degree until then.  I don't even want to think about that.

My hair is getting so long!

 Oh, and Tango kicked me in the shin.  Little shit.

All I Want To Do...

I really dislike school.

All I want to do is play with horses!

Do you know why? Because I'm good at it.

I have so many opportunities available to me right now that involve horses I feel like a fool to walk away from them or put them on hold.  Teaching elementary aged children will be enjoyable, but it isn't what I want to do.  I want to work with horses!  I want to give lessons, be EAGALA certified (equine specialist), be instructor certified, and maybe train some horses.  Sigh.  But it isn't "practical." 

Bucket!  What an incredible horse.  What an incredible journey, for both of us!  I'm starting to put a new video together of our progress.  It's a lot sooner than I thought it would be, which is a great thing! I didn't anticipate getting this far with Buck in such a short amount of time, but he has really surprised me (in a good way).  I feel completely safe with him.  He and I truly have a partnership, and I love testing it.  Of course I am safe about "testing the limits", don't get me wrong.  If something were to happen that resulted in mine or Buck's injury, it would be my fault.  I say this with such confidence because if something were to happen, I would be the one that put us in a situation that we were not prepared for.  

My neighbors really dislike watching what Buck and I do.  They think I'm being reckless and irresponsible by not using a bridle or saddle.  I can understand why they feel the way they do.  I mean, they are the "traditional" type folks and don't know too much about horses in general, but they should be able to see the relationship Buck and I have.  It is pretty obvious.  When a girl can canter her horse in an open field with nothing on him but a string around his neck, bring him to a stop with ease, turn him any which way, and then have the horse fall asleep while having a conversation with strangers, that shows something pretty incredible.  But hey, maybe I'm wrong ;)

 

I feel a lack of direction.  I don't know where I am going, which is intimidating for me.  I know I will be in school for the next two and half years finishing my degree, but what happens after that? I know I don't need to be that far prepared, but I've always had a plan, always.  I guess I just need to start being familiar with the idea that life is, in fact, unpredictable.  Crazy concept right there.  I was thinking about where I would be the most comfortable, and I'm a little torn.  I really enjoy living in Utah.  I love the horsey people I have connections with, the land is amazing, and it has a good economy.  However, the LDS population makes me pretty hesitant to raise a family there that is not LDS.  I know the struggles I had growing up because I wasn't part of the Church, and my mom validates those struggles with her own experiences.  I also want to be close to family.  I will follow my parents, but I don't think they'd be happy living in Utah.  I just don't know!  I'm going to have to wait to figure this out.  All I can do for right now is gather as much information as possible about areas that interest me in the states I'd consider living in.

I've had a decent Thanksgiving break so far.  A lot of people that I'm not used to seeing.  I met two cousin's for the first time...we didn't say a word to each other, ha.  It's like, we haven't know each other for so long, why start now?  It's not like we are going to see each other any more than we already have.  Seeing my grandma, grandpa, aunt, and uncle has been nice though.  I'll be seeing my sister and Jonathan today, which I'm super stoked about.  Then heading home on Sunday!  

My antidepressants are still working (YES!).  A few side affects have appeared though.  My blood pressure is low due to the medication, so I need to increase my sodium intake and take precautions when doing physical activity.  I've also been having really vivid dreams.  I looked it up because I used to never dream and now for the last week or so I've been having super intense dreams that are mostly unpleasant.  Anyway, it's called REM suppression and it is pretty common with antidepressants.  The dreams suck for the most part, but so far they haven't been anything too terrifying so I'm dealing.  They don't cause any harm besides some emotional disturbance...and annoyance. Ha.

Well, tallyho! Time to have breakfast and then get on the road, AGAIN.

Smiley Faces All The Way Around!

Things have been sooo much better since I went to the doctor!  My anxiety has plummeted and my concentration (most days) is spot on.  Although not much time has passed, I think the medication has really done a lot for me.

For the first three nights when I started Lexapro (the anti depressant) I stayed up for about 72 hours straight.  I felt like I was going to die.  I could not sleep for the life of me.  I ended up calling my doctor because I had a feeling it was due to the medication.  Sure enough, it was!  I was taking 10 mg of Lexapro before bed.  10 mg was way too much for my brain and as a result it completely stopped making serotonin.  Serotonin is responsible for sleep, as well as depression.  So my doctor told me to cut my pill in half and take 5 mg in the morning instead.  I've been getting about seven hours of sleep a night, whereas before I was getting between four and five and half.  I'm now waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning, but I am okay with that.  It is so much better than waking up several times at night and being unable to go through my sleep cycles like I should be able to.  I've also not been needing to take naps anymore.  I have enough energy to last the entire day and keep my focus on what it needs to be.  So cool! AMAZING! I LOVE IT!

My anxiety is the thing I have noticed the most.  I haven't felt overwhelmed, crazy, or worry-ridden for about a week.  Nothing has changed as far as what's going on in my life: school, family, financial issues, etc., so I think it is pretty awesome what it has done for me so far.  I feel like I can breathe again!  What a feeling!  I want to get out of bed and I want to do things :) :) :)  It's just awesome.

I did meet with a therapist at BHI to start working through my baggage.  It was just a consultation--finding out where I'm at, why I decided to get help, and what I want to work on.  My next appointment is December 12, but hopefully I'll be called in sooner if someone cancels.  I am looking forward to the benefits of therapy in combination with the medication.  I'm going to be on top of the world!

On Sunday I hauled a bunch of hay.  Like, A LOT of hay!  It was really fun though and I enjoyed it immensely.  The company is always something that makes it worth while.  I am so very thankful to be surrounded by the supporting adults in my life.  Craig and Connie, in specific, have really opened their arms in caring about my worries and are giving me the means to let go of some of them.  They always tell me to bring Buck over and spend time "horsing around."  I need that encouragement so I make sure I am making time for myself and the things I love doing.  They've also offered some odds jobs to me to make a bit of money on the side.  It will help so much.  Having an income, even if it is unsteady and small, will help pay for things like like cat food and litter, gas, oil changes, shampoo, self-help books, and so on, without having to dip into my savings too much.  Part of me wants to stay in Utah after I get my degree just so I can continue to be a part of this wonderful group of people I consider my family.

Sometimes life gives you more than you can handle.  In my case, my amygdala really wasn't okay with that!  But everything works out in one way or another.  In my case, getting on medication wasn't my ideal solution, but it has certainly helped.  I am very thankful to have the resources I have in order to get the help I've wanted.  I cannot say enough how much I am looking forward to my life in the next couple months.  I'm even feeling better about being up at Weber everyday next semester.  Now that is really saying something!

Things Will Be Better.

Warning:  This is a long blog post that is filled with interesting things.

On Tuesday I had my appointment with the education adviser to discuss my program.  I'll skip the details, but instead of doing the K-6 concentration I will be doing the 1-8 concentration with a minor in psychology.  This will cut my degree time down by a full year.  Although the psychology minor will not give me any special bonuses on my salary (unlike a mathematics minor), I will get a lot of personal growth and information out of this minor that will help me understand and teach children better.  Next semester I am taking 18 credits, but I am tentatively going to drop one.  It depends on the course work for each class.  I have three at campus and three online.  12 of the credits are psychology course work and the other 6 are elementary education classes.  Next semester will be hard, there is no doubt about that.  Hopefully I'll be able to manage my time better and enjoy the classes I am taking (unlike this semester).  After next semester I will be on track with my degree! YAY!

So I went to the doctor on Wednesday to discuss how I've been feeling recently.  I took a couple tests, talked a lot, cried...ha...I learned a lot of really interesting things pertaining to PTSD and its affects stress has on the brain.  Here it is in a nutshell:
So when something happens in our lives, such as something traumatic or extremely stressful, we, as humans, learn to cope.  More specifically speaking, however, a human's natural way of coping is to put that event into a place hidden away.  My doctor used a fantastic metaphor to describe what I am going through.  The stressful event is like a dragon.  What do we do with dragons?  We put them in the dungeon, of course!  And for a while the dungeon holds the dragon and we think we have "conquered" this terrible beast.  The dragon gets stronger though as it waits.  Eventually the dragon starts breaking through the dungeon, so we add more spikes, concrete, and chains.  Again we think we have handled the dragon and we can move on.  Unfortunately, this is rarely the case.  It could take years, but the dragon will once again become too strong for our dungeon and he will come out and try to take us down.  Only now he is very angry for being locked away for so long and the repercussions are more severe.

With that being said and after talking to my doctor, it is safe to say that Foxy's death is the dragon in my life, as well as the trigger for my reaction to other stressers I encounter.  I thought I was strong and took care of it, and I did...for the time being.  But as more and more stressful things happened it became harder and harder to keep my dragon in its dungeon, and now he is almost free.

Interesting thing about the brain...when we do not handle stress effectively for a long period of time (usually due to a stressful/traumatic situation that triggered poor stress management), our brain adapts in order to function at the highest possible level.  Basically what ends up happening is a neural pathway is created in our brain that handles all of the stress in our lives, no matter how big or small the stressor may be.  This is when people begin having anxiety.  My depression from Foxy's death had adapted into a generalized anxiety disorder.  My brain is thinking that any stress is a "life threatening" situation and I need to either flight or fight in order to survive.  Therefore, as this neural pathway was created, which was triggered by Foxy's death, it was being used more frequently with smaller stressors, like school, relationships, etc.  It is now the major neural pathway in my brain for handling stress, which is why I am experiencing the panic, irrational thoughts, bad sleep, poor concentration, and so forth.

My doctor prescribed me a mild anti-depressant, which also acts as an anti-anxiety medication.  It is a selective serotonin uptake inhibitor.  I should begin noticing a difference in about a week, and know if I like it within three.  She also prescribed me to speak with a social worker to help understand what I am experiencing and discuss proper stress management techniques for PTSD-like symptoms.  I am meeting with my doctor on November 18 as a follow-up on the medication and therapy.  She said this process will take anywhere from six months to a year, depending on how well my brain is able to block off the new neural pathway and start sending neurons to the correct places in the brain instead.  No matter how long it takes, I am excited to feel better.  Things make sense now.  I have been strong so far, but I've learned it's okay to admit that I cannot be strong all the time. 

Buck's beautiful (and noisy) costume.

Halloween!  I dressed Bucket up as a sleigh horse.  Not very scary, I know, but some horses would beg to differ!  He had a ton of bells on his hooves, a wreath with bells around his neck, bells on his halter, and a lovely blanket my mom made.  The sound from the bells didn't affect Buck all too much.  At first he didn't want to move at all because he knew that when he did he'd make a ton of noise.  He eventually got used to it though and ended up enjoying it a lot.

Here are pictures to describe the evening.  They speak better than words.

Buck Not Having Fun.

Buck Having Fun.

Happy, happy horse. My horse!

We also did a little bit of yoga!  That's right--horse yoga!  It was pretty cool and it loosened my muscles better than any stretching I have done before.  Buck really relaxed, too.  He completely let his tail go limp and allowed me to pull it straight up so it was at a 90 degree angle with his spine.  Pretty cool stuff.  This is something him and I are going to do more of because of the immediate benefit we both receive.
Here is a series of pictures.  If you're thinking about trying this with your own horse, it's important to note that the tail is brought up slowly.  You'll know when the horse relaxes and gives you his tail.  Don't force anything.  The horse will tell you what he wants.