I'm Feelin' It

So...I'm not really sure how to start this.  Do I start fresh and act like I've just started blogging?  Do I recap the last six months?  Do I go into detail?  What do I do? ...My heart is longing to write about the tragedies of losing Buck and Puppy...but I do not think this is the time or place for that.  It is easy for my anxiety and grief to creep up on me when I start writing, but I want my blog to be a place of positive reflection, not anguish and pain.  I'm just going to list major things that have happened.  I think that's a good start.

Ahmi, Buck, and Puppy died within three months of each other.  It basically felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, thrown into the dirt, stepped on, thrown into a fire, and then smothered with a plastic bag.  You don't even want to know what my mind felt like...I've recently decided that I need to start seeing a therapist again to help me cope with the losses.  So far it has helped, so I'm looking forward to making more progress.

My depression is still knocking on my door like an annoying solicitor trying to sell you cleaning products.  The last month has been really challenging for me.  Again, I'm hoping therapy will make it a little easier to tell it to f*ck off for at least the summer.

Josh and I are ENGAGED!  It is a weird sensation.  I look back a year ago and see where I was at.  At the time I had no idea I would be planning a wedding and looking at houses with the love of my life.  I was excited to go to San Diego for spring break with a guy that really didn't mean all that much to me.  This is SO much better!  We are two peas in a pod.  A pod of loooove that is ;)

    

School is...going.  It's a hard semester, beyond what I have going on personally.  The classes are a little more challenging and require a significant amount of dedication.  I'm doing it though.  Day by day.  My to do list is my best friend (besides Josh, 'cause he's my John to my Wayne).

I have submitted proposals to both the National Conference of Family Relations (NCFR) and the Utah Conference of Family Relations (UTCFR).  If I am accepted (which I anticipate I will be because I wrote a killer proposal), I will be presenting my professor's research on societal definitions of religiosity and spirituality.  I feel like it is such an honor that she wants me to present on it.  I am registered as the first author at both conferences.  

Today, I was also invited to present current research on Weber State's elementary education program at Weber State's ERGO conference.  I wrote a portion of this paper, so I am taking a lot of pride in being able to have my name published on it as the first author for this conference.  When the article is published in late Spring 2016, I will be a co-author.  Basically, by the time I hit grad school, I'm going to have a minimum of four publications underneath me.  BOOM.

My uterus pretty much sucks.  It's looking like I have endometriosis.  If you don't know what it is or simply don't have a uterus, imagine this: A burning poker being twisted into your lower abdominal muscles, while at the same time being ripped open and having the organs, muscles, and connective tissues in your pelvic region ripped out of you.  Add some cramps to that and you have endometriosis!  I may have exaggerated on the description a little bit, but it is enough to make me double over and want to vomit.  Having the sexy time is nearly impossible unless I want to end up in a pain induced coma for an hour afterwards.  I need surgery, but our new insurance is really awful, so I have to wait.  Hopefully I'll be able to get it done before the wedding.

I have ponies ;} Three of them, actually.  Spirit is a five year old Shetland buttermilk buckskin gelding.  I got him on a trade for one of Nikki's puppies.  I've done a lot of work with him, and now he'll be going to my favorite riding lesson student's house for her birthday.  They are so stinking cute together. 

Then there is Little Sequoia!  My prize sooty buckskin Gypsy Vanner sport horse mare.  She is going to be three in July.  I'm really excited for her to even out so I can ride her again, but for now we are excelling on the ground.  She is scary smart, and oh so very sweet.  I still think she was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself.  When I'm with her, I remember to breathe.  

Atlas is my most recent addition.  I got him on a trade for riding lessons.  He is a 12 year old POA appaloosa gelding.  He came from a pretty neglectful situation, so he is in the process of being rehabilitated.  Physically he isn't the same horse as he was three weeks ago, but mentally he has a ways to go.  All in time.  He's going to make a great lesson horse by mid-summer if I am anticipating our progress correctly.

It's going to be a busy summer for riding lessons.  I've already received numerous phone calls about wanting to start up once school is out.  I just hope I'm going to have enough time and my horses will be capable of handling it.  It's stressful, but this is good stress I think :)

It feels good to write again.  I remember how helpful it was when I was living in Cedar City.  I think if writing helps me, I need to embrace it, and make time for it.  I have a difficult time making time for myself...But I'm working on it.